Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hey...Nice Cask

At a surprise 40th birthday party for our good friend, Leon, last week, we were seated at a table with a lovely woman named Laura. (Let me clarify...the party was the surprise...Leon knew he was turning 40 so that part was expected.) Also a surprise? The fact that Leon wore a Bavarian hat AND a tiara (together) all night. You think you know someone...

I liked Laura a lot...especially when she shared a story about a fellow attorney in her law firm. The story goes that this female attorney went to a pole dancing class (Dilettante wannabe) and then came into work the next day, gathered her co-workers 'round, and proceeded to show them the moves she had learned. Somehow, this involved her writhing suggestively in one of the conference room chairs. Laura said that no one looked at each other while this was going on, and when this woman's demonstration was over, everyone slunk silently back into their offices and closed their doors...needing some quiet time alone to process what they had just witnessed. To this day, they have set that conference room chair aside as some sort of shrine to skankification...

Leon's birthday party was held at a fantastic Belgian restaurant in DC, where we had a four-course meal and each course was paired with a beer that complemented the food. When the toasts began, most of Leon's friends were feeling pretty good...and consequently, many of the toasts were about days of yore spent over imbibing, vomiting and perhaps performing some other bodily functions.

Of course, I felt right at home.

Laura, on the other hand, has a bit of weaker stomach and as each speaker took their turn, she went from disbelief to head shaking to almost reverting to putting her fingers in her ears.

I was one of the last people of the evening to get up and give my toast. After repeatedly assuring Laura that I was not going to talk about bodily functions, I began speaking. My toast referred to a beer tasting my husband and I once attended with Leon and his wife, Amanda. A tasting where I learned a lot about beer -- that is it made with malt, yeast, hops and water; that it can really bring out the taste of food better than wine; and that the hole in a cask used to fill or empty it is called a "bunghole."

Yup. A bunghole. I felt a little bad after promising Laura I would not go there, but not bad enough to not say "bunghole" in a room full of people. I mean, other than funerals and the occasional State dinner, how often do you have that opportunity?

Klassy with a K,
Brutalism

14 comments:

lacochran said...

Were they averting their eyes out of embarrassment for her or because they were turned on?

sign me "someone who dances like Elaine Benis"

Dilettard07 said...

A Bavarian hat AND a tiara? Who did that guy think he was? Some sort of latter day Princess Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen? Next you'll tell me he was wearing a tie with skulls on it...

Brutalism said...

lacochran - Me, too. I will not let anyone watch the video from my wedding reception due to the Elaine Benis impression I insisted on doing the entire time. (Not deliberately.)

Tard - He was one badass princess. And he was, in fact, wearing a tie with skulls on it. Very Hildburghausenian.

Gay Guy said...

That was a hilarious post! I am jealous of y'all at the party. And, i wish I'd been around for the pole dancing!

ShutUpandRun said...

And here I thought the bunghole was just someplace I shot last night's dinner out of. You gave me a whole new perspective. And I am bowing down to you for incorporating such a term into your toast. Classic. I have a feeling if you and I were seated at a dinner together it would be trouble...

Moooooog35 said...

If demonstrating your pole dancing technique in a conference room at work is wrong, I don't wanna be right.



FYI..I'm totally Tweeting that.

Brutalism said...

Gay Guy - You and Straight Guy have an open invitation to join us Dilettantes for a pole dancing class. How funny would that be?

SU&R - Can you imagine us seated together at a dinner? I'm laughing just thinking about it. We must make it so. Are you going to BlogHer?

Moooooog - This is why I am a fan.

KevStar said...

BlogHer? I hardly know her!

kiki said...

sometimes, i wish 'bunghole' was the worst i'd said in public

Jen said...

I wish I had friends like you. Most of mine seem more like Laura. I'd have totally used the word bunghole, it really doesn't come up often in regular conversation. Now, I'm just gonna talk about beer.

dilettante07 said...

Beer is good for your bunghole!

It has fibah!

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Sean Scully said...

It's too bad you didn't know that there is a process in beer making that is commonly known as "Tea-bagging." or it was until fairly recently.

Jason the Absurdist said...

You worked in "bunghole" but couldn't work "TP" or "cornholio"?

Come to think of it, those things are all used for working things out, not working them in.

Sean, leave it to a bunch of sexually repressed a-holes to ruin a perfectly lovely activity by tarnishing it with ignorance and racism.

I'm detecting a trend...

PS: Verification word is "bearold". Which kinda sounds like "Beer old". Big captcha is watching.