Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Most Excellent

Canetto suggested we purchase a membership to Wolf Trap because we want to get our Chris Isaak and Mamma Mia! tickets a day earlier than the people in steerage are major supporters of the arts.

Because I have to do everything, he made me complete the transaction (not a euphemism). And I have just this to say: Wolf Trap...your "title" section of the Membership form is an immature woman's playground.

The drop-down menu included the following:

Mr.
Mrs.
Ms.
Miss
Dr.
Drs.
Admiral
Ambassador
Attorney General
Baroness
Brigadier General
Brother
Capt.
Chairman
Cmdr.
Col.
Col. (R)
Colonel
Congressman
Congresswoman
Delegate
Father
General
Governor
Her Excellency
His Excellency
His Royal Highness
Judge
Lady
Lieutenant Governor
Lord
Lt.
Lt. Col.
Lt. Gen.
Lt. Gen. (R)
LTC
Madam
Major
Major General
Master
Mayor
President
Prince
Prof.
Professor
Rabbi
Rear Admiral
Representative
Reverend
Secretary
Senator
Sir
Sir/Madam
Sister
Supervisor
The Honorable
Vice Admiral

Moments ago, I received the following confirmation e-mail from Wolf Trap:

Dear Her Excellency Canedo:

We have charged your American Express $65.00 for your new Friend membership.

Let them eat cake,
Brutalism

Addenda:
1) Second runner up was going to be "Baroness and Rabbi Canedo"
2) Wolf Trap would probably be none the wiser had I not gone with the cheapest Membership option

10 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

I'd be a Rear Admiral.

Yeah, ladies.

You read that right.

Badass Geek said...

I've always preferred to be called Master. But that's probably just because of my genie fetish.

Ri, the Music Savvy Mom said...

I'm all over "The Honorable". That would absolve all the skeevy things I've ever done, right?

I may just get a membership so that I can see it in print. Would Her Excellency be willing to scalp the tickets for me since I live four hours away?

Brutalism said...

Mooooooooooooooooooooog35 - (sorry...I was on an "o" roll) -- wouldn't that be a Rear Celery Admiral?

BG - Did you also enjoy Oliver Twist, as I did, for the sole reason that they kept referring to the character Charley Bates as Master Bates? I giggled like a schoolgirl (to be fair, I WAS a schoolgirl) throughout.

The Honorable Ri - I cannot deny a request from an "Honorable."

Dilettard07 said...

Why is it that only Col. and Lt. Gen. can be retired? Suppose you retire as Rear Admiral?

Why Sister but no Mother Superior?

And if they have a list this extensive, why on Earth did they leave out such gems as Commodore, Grand Poobah, and Poet Laureate?

Incompetents. The world is awash with them.

lacochran said...

Ha! Hysterical!

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

That is sooo funny, I am totally stealing that.

ZenMom said...

Oh, I love that. I'm all over Major General.

And now I'm humming Gilbert and Sullivan.

Jamie said...

Hmmmm, I favor illustrious Potentate.

Brings to mind fezzes and the Grand Mystic Royal Order Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine. And with just the right typo? *snicker,snicker*

What slacker composed this list?!?

Sean Scully said...

"Dr. and Mrs." almost seems sufficient to achieve the level of irony you were shooting for.

Which brings up a story - my father is, formally speaking, C.D. Scully III. He was in the Foreign Service at one time, posted to the consulate in Nice, France. This meant that he was the nearest U.S. diplomatic representative to Monaco, she he and my mother had to attend many formal functions with the prince and princess of Monaco. The first such event set off a huge diplomatic incident since there is a crucial, but little remarked upon, difference between the way Americans and Europeans handle that "III" thing after the name. In the U.S. nobody ever uses a comma before "III" as in "C.D. Scully, III." In Europe, as it turns out, the comma is mandatory unless you are royalty. So when the protocol office in Monaco saw that "Mr. and Mrs. C.D. Scully III" were attending, they panicked, fearing that my father might possibly outrank Prince Rainier, which would mean he would be entitled to enter the event first and sit at the place of honor at the dinner. It took several hours for the State Department to calm them down and assure them that my father was just an ordinary "Mr." who could safely be put farther back in the lineup.