Friday, January 29, 2010

An Honest Question

Yesterday, my friend, Stacey, reminded me of a conversation we had while working together at an ad agency:

Her:  "Would you eat a plate of poop if it meant you would be skinny the rest of your life?"

Me: "Whose poop?"

Which we followed up with lunch at Chicken Out. (Our preferred lunch spot over "Repressed, Closeted Chicken.")

Speaking of jobs, I have always had this fantasy of starting a new job and at the first function that included guests,  I'd bring my husband and make sure he met and talked to as many people as possible. Then, at the next function, I'd bring someone who is his complete physical opposite (Gary Coleman, perhaps) and say to my new co-workers, "You remember my husband, right?"  I'd repeat this scenario with a woman, an albino, Siamese twins...or until I got fired.

"Working" for a living,
Brutalism

15 comments:

Amanda C said...

You are too funny - I think we just talked about me doing this - you could take Tim one time and then Brett the next - pretty much the complete opposite! People will definitely think you are swingers!

ShutUpandRun said...

Gary Coleman. That is the best. Or Tatoo from Fantasy Island, but I think he died. And yes to the quesiton about the poop. Unless it was Gary Coleman's.

Moooooog35 said...

I am available upon request.

Just give me, like, a week's notice.

You're welcome.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I love the "husband" thing. That would be the best joke EVER. And people'd be too polite to say anything. And you could have like...a hidden handbag camera to record their reactions and stuff. Awesome.

I'm not sure anyone could eat a plate of poop. Although it would make you skinny because you'd be throwing up for hours after...

NoShare said...

No Wonder Bear Grylls is so thin, that dude eats all kinds of Poop, maybe he has found the Fountain/Exit of thinness......

YinMetYang said...

So whose poop? Still waiting.

dilettante07 said...

Kind of presumptuous to think that Brutalism would eat your poop, isn't it Moooooog? Unless you are on a creamer-only diet.

Brutalism said...

There's not much (short of hurting or killing a person or an animal) that I would not do for perpetual thinness (or a million dollars).

I may not be proud...but I'm honest.

Amanda C - One day I'll do it. I swear. Actually, doesn't really have to be at a new job, does it? I could start now...

SU&R - Yes. Tattoo is no longer with us.

Moooooog - Awwww...you'd do (doo?) that for me? I don't know whether to be touched or get a restraining order...


VA - I'd probably be throwing up for YEARS after. Hmmm...perhaps this has some merit...if I could only get Oprah to buy in...

NoShare - I've never seen Bear's show, but I've seen clips on The Soup -- including one where Bear gave himself an enema...I'm guessing he is not married?

YMY - She never answered. One of the great mysteries...along with who would date Bear Grylls

Tante - Vomit is commencing now. Thanks for that.

Uzi Silber said...

while standing at the subway station with my ten year old daughter last week she asked if I would sip from the dirty brownish rat infested water in the trackbed for $1 million. I said no -- I'm simply too rich.
u
americanames.blogspot.com

Christina said...

This product has been a HUGE HIT for marathon runners-thought I'd share!

http://www.youtube.com/nurichegoodness#p/u/15/OSuplzv56Ys

www.NuricheWell.com

I'd love to get your thoughts!

Brutalism said...

Uzi - Must be nice. I'd totally drink the brownish rat infested water in the trackbed. Cheers!

Christina - I believe you mis-read the post. We were not discussing TRYING to poop...rather, EATING it. (And frankly, I'm a little disgusted by any discussion about trying to poop.)

dilettante07 said...

Seriously. Constipation is gross. What kind of a forum do you think this is?

VE said...

Be sure to work in Phil Specter and his "hair of infinity" in there too...

Oh...and I commend your attitude on work...it is a four letter word after all...

Dilettard07 said...

Maybe you could have taken a frog with you to one of the later functions.

That was a good plan overall. You left off filing a discrimination law suit when they finally fired you.

Oooh! And I see there is some viral marketing going on! Hooray! I am going to go get some of that stuff. I want to have the energy to run long distances with nylon footies I've taken from the bin at Nine-West even though I work in a running store and sell running shoes during the day. And from a company that sounds like "nouveau riche," well that's the icing on the cake.

uzi silber said...

yes, way too rich -- that is the siena colored syrupy goo in the trackbed. Id need at least 50 mil to drink that.