Monday, November 29, 2010

Fantasy Island

We were in the Bahamas for Thanksgiving.

I was very excited about the whole trip except for the flights, since all I've been hearing in the news is that Bristol Palin better not win Dancing with the Stars, girlfriend I could probably look forward to getting a full body scan.

Apparently, I am not TSA's type, because there were no experiences with full body scanners, although on the way home, I was selected for a random screening. (Which was presented by the security agent with such enthusiasm, that at first I misunderstood and thought that I had won something.)

And I had...a chance to get felt up by a "woman" in front of every single other passenger in the tiny three-gate airport. I mean, sure. I may have envisioned that my first experience with girl-on-girl action would take place with a woman in uniform somewhere tropical like the Bahamas, and perhaps I even pictured her making me take my shoes off and barking orders at me while my husband watched...maybe I had even spent a few moments over the years thinking about how she would rifle through my purse before I left...and how I would feel a mixture of embarrassment, shame and exhilaration unlike anything else I had ever known...

But what I did not anticipate was the part where an obviously grieving woman shuffled by clutching her rosary beads and mouthing a prayer.

Thus ended my adventure on Paradise Island. So to speak,
Brutalism

15 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

..and yet...no video.

WTF.

dilettante07 said...

Ah see, the grieving woman is in MY fantasy. We must have had some sort of holiday mind meld.

Brutalism said...

Moooooog - I did ask. Security screeners don't have much of a sense of humor about that sort of thing. (Or the two fingers in the eyes a la the Three Stooges, FWIW.)

Tante - Weirdo.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm so over travelling anywhere that involves the U.S. and their crazy invasive security measures. And you're right. Any attempt to alleviate the situation by being humourous just makes you MORE SUSPICIOUS. :)

Brutalism said...

VA - They're totally uptight. I mean, what kind of stiff DOESN'T find pretending to light your shoe on fire hilarious?

lacochran's evil twin said...

So, it really is "better in the Bahamas"

"But what I did not anticipate was the part where an obviously grieving woman shuffled by clutching her rosary beads and mouthing a prayer."

The perfect terrorist cover!

Brutalism said...

Lacochran - No kidding. The rosary beads were sheer genius.

Ms. Givens said...

I have been in that airport.
Hope you had a nice time.

Brutalism said...

Ms. Givens - Were they as "friendly" to you there as they were to me? I will not forget the farewell I received there for a long time...

Straight Guy said...

GG and totally agree that our willingness to get groped by TSA agents depends on the agents themselves. If only they were a more attractive bunch. They should start recruiting, but not getting our hopes up.

Brutalism said...

StraightGuy - Totally. It's like that old SNL video about how it's not sexual harrassment if the offender is attractive.

dori said...

from what I understand you can "opt out" of the free porn session and get irradiated instead. so confused. should I wear my best panties or my lead body suit next time I fly?

Brutalism said...

Dori - Cover your bases (if you will) and go with your best lead panties. As you always do...

StephanieC said...

Holy shyteballs - hopped over here from your comment on So... what else? and have been laughing my arse off at both your post, and your commenters.

Yes, my girl-on-girl fantasies most certainly had less rosary to them. Maybe some anti-christ logos, or Masonic symbolism at most, but no rosary.

At least they detected the explosives in your hoo ha?

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