Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I Said "Klatch"

For the past week, I've been actively involved in my favorite hobby -- denial.

I've avoided my to-do list, my site statistics, and getting organized at work with a vigor I normally reserve for avoiding talking on the telephone.

And now, there is so much on which we need to catch up:

1. This week's column at the Oakton Patch is all about mascots. And once again, I will proclaim my love for Oakton Patch editor, Nicole, for this update e-mail she sent about trying to get the rights to use a photo of a Milwaukee Brewers sausage race from the Milwaukee Brewers organization:
Still no photo. I'm going to take a shower ('cause nope, that still hasn't happened yet ...) and if it doesn't happen by the time I get out ('cause yep, I'm that attached to the idea of running a photo of a sausage race on my home page...) I'll have to just run it without.

2. I have now been dairy-free, processed-food free, and alcohol free for about three weeks. I have also been working out harder than I have in a long time with runs, bike rides and power walks.

In related news, I am also no longer fun.

This is all in preparation for a half marathon on Labor Day weekend. However, after my long run on Saturday morning with my new running group, I sat in my car and cried because I am so far from where I was three years ago when I was really into running and I am completely discouraged. In an effort to snap out of it and lift my spirits (and because my friend Amanda reminded me that "there is no crying in distance running") I went to get evaluated for new running shoes today at a running store. Bonus -- the guy waiting on me was a college student and totally adorable. Non-bonus -- I had to run in front of him on a treadmill to see if I pronated. We then got to watch my backside together on a computer screen so he could show me what my stride looked like. Fortunately, his campus is right down the street, so he can go look at college-aged butts for a while to get that visual out of his head.

3. I was invited to a coffee klatch with the ladies in my neighborhood last night (and by coffee klatch, I mean booze klatch), and one of my neighbors shared a fantastic story. Turns out, she recently read "Still Alice" for a book club - a true story about a woman with early-onset Alzheimer's that is utterly heart-wrenching. She had just finished the book, crying through a lot of it, when she realized she needed to feed her three kids dinner before heading off to the meeting to discuss the book. As she was throwing dinner together, she realized that she needed to provide the kids with some sort of vegetable to balance their dinners. She meant to offer them carrots, but instead asked them, "Do you guys want Good & Plenty with that?" She said they had no idea what to make of her question...either that she was the coolest mom ever, for offering up candy in place of a vegetable, or that she had maybe contracted early-onset Alzheimer's via power of suggestion. She feared the latter. (Ed. - I frankly think feeding a child Good & Plenty is akin to child abuse. That is the worst excuse for a candy ever.)

4. Our daughter recently cut off her bangs and is now sporting a look we like to call "mental patient." She was so proud of herself when she did it, that I managed to stifle my laughter and applaud her efforts. And in true kid form, she managed to do this two weeks before we are scheduled to take a formal family portrait with Canetto's entire family for his parents' 50th wedding anniversary.

My little mental patient totally pulls it off, though, right?
Finally, RIP Ryan Dunn. You made putting a car toy up your ass an art form and the world becomes a place that takes itself a little too seriously without people like you in it.


Ed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ed said...

My previous comment (since removed) proves you should never read/comment on two posts simultaneously. real comment for YOUR post.

The kiddo looks cute in butchered bangs.

Any parent giving their child Good & Plenty should be shot. Now Skittles, thats a different story.

Trucking Tumbleweed said...

1. I know a guy who calls himself Good & Plenty. As gross as the candy is, he is worse.
2. I was once Wendy, of the hamburger Wendy's, red yarn pigtails and all. I would much rather have been a sausage.
3. No booze?? WTF. I need a drink just reading that you can't drink.

dilettante07 said...

You best unfuck yourself and eat some vodka-soaked cheetos before I see you next. Or else.

Brendan @ Merewether Life said...

What age do little girls start cutting their own hair? I need to know, we have scissors around the house so it's only a matter of time. Too cute...

Brutalism said...

Ed - I'm so glad you did a follow up comment, because when I read your first one I didn't know if you were crazy or if I was.

Skittles rock.

Trucking T -
1) Wow. That is disturbingly awesome.
2) Even more disturbingly awesome. You were Wendy. Do you lead with that when you meet new people?
3)Tell me about it.

Tante - vodka-soaked cheerios...yum!

Brendan - I don't know. She's 5 1/2, but I've heard from others that it happens as early as 3. I think the age matters less than the major event planned...that should pretty much determine the timing.

dilettante07 said...

Sorry about the f-bomb, by the way. I just thought your blog was lacking in subtle tributes to Full Metal Jacket.

Brutalism said...

Tante - Oh, yes. You must apologize for that. How dare you. How DARE you.

It's like I don't even know you anymore.

Mike said...

To hide those bangs on your kid, you could always just put a helmet on her?

Amanda C said...

I'm a little concerned about this alchol free thing - how are we going to have a dinner outing in a few weeks and fight off trophy smuggling drug dealers if you aren't drinking? Seriously!

dori said...

Why all the hate, haters? Good n' Plenty is delicious!!

Your daughter's bangs remind me of the time my ex-husband's girlfriend decided to cut my daughter's bangs (apparently using hedge trimmers) two weeks before school pix.

Cathy said...

ha ha the bangs remind me of my sister some time in the eighties- except she hacked a great chunk in the middle down to scalp level- looked a bit like castellations for a while...probably a good job it was in the 80's! Ah well the good thing about hair is that it will daughter wants a tattoo!!arghh!

The Diatribest said...

Good and Plenty ranks up there with Ring Pops in my book. Shit sold with good marketing.

Brutalism said...

Mike - I'm thinking the helmet will add to the effect that the bang chopping has created.

Amanda C - I'm just as much fun when I don't drink.

No, I'm not.

Dori - Good 'n Plenty is not is just not top on a list of candy I'd choose. It's more of a candy you'd eat when there is nothing else available. How hard was it for you to not cut the girlfriend's bangs in retaliation?

Cathy - Yes, it will grow back. How much do you love pulling out those family photos and taunting your sister?

The Diatribest - In my experience, the entire purpose of a ring pop is to get stuck on something in the house after the child has become bored with it -- usually after about three minutes.

Trout Almondine said...

"Still Alice" was written by a high school classmate of mine. She whined a lot about how tough the homework was and spoke without moving her jaw.

It was twenty years ago. I'm sure she's no longer creepy and self-absorbed. And I'm sure she has something just as unflattering to say about me.

But...yeah. What's the opposite of schadenfreude, when you have ill will for people doing well? Misanthropy, I guess.