Pre-packaged Jokes

This post first ran as a column in the (probably-soon-to-be-erstwhile) Oakton Patch on June 8, 2011. Apparently, it is something that will be relevant every couple of years:

Carlos Danger. In a moment of self-reflection.
Or perhaps just taking a selfie.

Subtitle: Thanks to one swollen ego, humorists get off easy

Unless you have been in a Lunesta coma for the past 48 hours, you know by now that New York Representative Anthony Weiner admitted to tweeting a picture of his nether regions to some women … both before and after his marriage.

Really, the only reason I even care enough to comment on this is that I feel strongly about one aspect of the situation. It’s not that I am worried about whether he is capable of doing his job even though he has some interesting hobbies. It is not that my new reality includes reading phrases such as “bulging underpants” with increasing frequency in headlines. No, the part that bothers me is that the scandal has made it so easy for comedians and humorists to get a ton of great material without putting forth much effort.

Sure, he should have been much more of a standup guy and been honest about the whole thing from the beginning, when suspicions were first aroused. That may have prevented him from plodding head-long into this mess. I know it would have been hard, but doesn’t he have a trusted staff that he could have utilized to run some ideas up the flagpole before going off half-cocked and lying to the American public about his escapades?

And come on, do you really think the media would have gone as nuts if he had just been a straight shooter when this information first emerged? Currently, he claims he is not resigning, and his constituents do not seem as though they want to give him the shaft. Even so, I am confident there will still be some stiff consequences. He should definitely bone up on appropriate apologies for a man in his position.

Now that the ball is in his court, he should follow any good tips he receives about clearing up his reputation. I’m sure that if he makes a firm commitment to being an upright citizen and ethical leader from this point forward, we can all move on, forget about this, and let him go back to being the hot dog member of Congress he is at work – and the family jewel that his wife used to think he was at home, during the private parts of their life together.

All that aside, I’m sorry to get so prickly. I’m just so sick of all this junk and really wish it would all peter out so Congress and the media could get back to work.

And that all the so-called humorists out there could get back to actually earning their jokes.