Over the weekend, I got together with some friends I met back in high school. One is a photographer who also bartends in his DC Capitol Hill neighborhood, so we visited him at his restaurant - a popular eatery that has on its menu many delicious treats including their version of Pop Tarts (registered trademark) made in-house, and a minty Oreo (registered trademark) milkshake.
Incomprehensibly, these delicious treats resulted in TWO cease and desist orders from "Big Dessert" for our buddy. You see, when speaking with customers, he'd refer to the in-house version of Pop Tarts AS Pop Tarts (which, duh...how else do you describe them?) and even better, called the minty Oreo milkshake a "Girl Scout" milkshake, as it tasted to him like their iconic Thin Mint (registered trademark) cookie. But that's not all - when patrons would inevitably ask, "What's in the Girl Scout?" He'd reply, "A very happy Boy Scout."
I asked the logical question of how he kept his job after receiving cease and desist letters from the legal counsel of both Kellogg's and Girl Scouts of America, and he patiently explained, "you take photos of your boss's wedding."
This followed his story of Phil, a neighborhood denizen who frequently ingests substances slightly stronger than ersatz Pop Tarts and weirdly sexualized milkshakes. Phil walked into the lobby of the restaurant one day, screamed "Fuck y'all. Fuck all y'all," while sweeping his hand across the bar, sending dozens of glasses crashing to the ground. He then proceeded to pass out in the center of the floor, so our friend called the authorities who promptly revived him with Narcan (registered trademark) and sent him on his way. Which was quite a welcome to DC for the two women sitting at the bar who had moved to the neighborhood that very afternoon and were excited to see what the area had to offer.
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