Friday, October 30, 2009

I Want Candy

Ahhh, Halloween...

Some of my favorite Halloween memories involve dressing up for costume parties when I was in my 20s and first living on my own as an adult. Every costume I ever wore (punk rocker, biker chick, Miss America) always somehow included one common accessory -- handcuffs. I guess I used to be a lot bolder, because I distinctly remember cuffing guys to me during parties. I wouldn't even speak to them...I'd just go up to one I thought was cute and wordlessly cuff him. (Let's all say it together: It is a really good thing I met Canetto when I did.)

There's a great Halloween story that involves my dad, back when we lived in an apartment complex in Syracuse, New York. My sister and I had gone out trick-or-treating dressed as Frankenstein (her) and an angel (me). We were probably 4 and 5 at the time.To make my costume, my mom had dressed me in an old white nightgown of hers and had made fantastic cardboard wings that she covered with aluminum foil --giving me a wingspan of a good three and a half to four feet across. She also made me a halo out of a shaped wire coat hanger -- also covered with aluminum foil. My sister and I trick-or-treated for a couple of hours and then came home to immediately begin gorging on candy. (Okay, fine...I was the one who was apparently intent on upping my risk factor for diabetes. She was one of those annoying able-to-delay-gratification types who would be pulling out her treat bag the following summer to sift through the treats and then select a single piece of candy to savor. And of course, I was convinced she did this simply to torture me.)

With our trick-or-treating done, my father decided that he and a friend should enjoy some trick-or-treating themselves. So, he put my costume on over a pair of jeans, and headed out with a beer stein. Since we lived in an apartment complex, he manged to get his stein filled up very quickly with whatever beer or hard liquor our neighbors had on hand...all of them thinking this was very funny, of course.

He was gone for a while on this mission and when he returned home, he tried to walk through the front door into our apartment, but could not. He tried again -- no luck. Confused as to why he could not walk through the doorway, he tried again. Still -- stuck on the front porch. My (sober, and therefore unamused) mother intervened at this point and managed to get his drunk self focused long enough to understand that he simply needed to turn sideways to fit his giant angel wings through the door.

The Devil is in the details,
Brutalism

10 comments:

dilettante07 said...

Reminds me of the time I went to a frat party dressed as a bumblebee. Fortunately for me, my wings were more pliable, so I was able to maneuver my way to and from the keg quite easily. This was less fortunate for the people who got thwapped in the face on my multiple round trips for refills.

Brutalism said...

I love "thwapped"

ShutUpandRun said...

I love that. Great mental image of your dad with the stein trying to get through the door. What a proud moment.

Florida Girl In Sydney said...

Do you think it's wrong to take the kit kats out of the kids trick or treat bags while they're sleeping? If your answer is yes then just lie to me to make me feel better, okay?

Brutalism said...

FGIS - You gave birth to these children. You would die for them. You take care of their every need and love them unconditionally. They OWE you the Kit Kats. (And you do wait til they're sleeping. My neighbor does a technique I must try. The ol' "I have to check through all your candy to make sure it's safe" maneuver, which usually nets her some good stuff right on the spot.)

SUandR - I know. My dad was in his 20s at the time (they had us when they were very young). I can only imagine what children would have been exposed to if I was a parent in my 20s. Egad.

Dilettard07 said...

I wonder if it is wrong to tell kids they can't take one of each of the four kinds of candy from the basket you offer, or try to dissuade them from filling their hands like little pickpockets. I buy the good stuff and feel like a sucker. Next year, have your choice of Dum-Dums, kiddos.

I also feel like a sucker because I would have been too shy as a kid to take more than one from anyone.

Now, beer, I would have been happy to give out beer. And not dum-dum beer, either. In fact, I went out at the very last minute to buy candy. The alternative being thrown around was giving printouts of downloaded porn and beer to the kids.

Dilettard07 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lacochran said...

You started by cuffing them? I'll bet you were popular.

Straight Guy said...

Just put it all together: drunk handcuffed Frankenstein with wings. Wow, I'd watch that movie, for sure.

Jason the Absurdist said...

I wonder if they have beer steins in heaven?