Friday, November 13, 2009

Ass-ault On My Sense Of Justice

Did any of you see this a few weeks ago?

Man who threw feces in CA courtroom gets 31 years.

(Take a moment to peruse, then continue on to the commentary and discussion questions below...)

1) Please do not let it be lost on you that the Judge's name is Judge Brown.

2) I appreciate the clarification that it was "his" feces. Did they analyze it? Did they ask?  Is it any more or less gross or does it add anything to the story by specifically designating them (it?) as "his" feces? (As my friend, Simon, noted, "I can see him in the interview room: "Of course it was my own feces; what kind of weirdo do you take me for?")

3) How quickly do you think the juror dumped (pun intended) the computer case?

4) How does one sneak a bag of feces into a courtroom under their clothes? (This is a rhetorical question. RHETORICAL!)

5) If a feces-flinging robber heads north at 65 mph and passes an unsuspecting lawyer heading south going 45 mph, at what point does the lawyer decide that he might just want a nice data entry job?

Hoping they cannot find a jury of his peers,
Brutalism

16 comments:

ZenMom said...

See, this is why you are awesome. You ask the tough questions that we are all thinking. ;)

dilettante07 said...

I suppose there would be several ways to sneak the fecal matter into the courtroom undetected. There's the "made on site" approach (using duct tape or some such to affix the bag to catch the "deposit), the multiple ziploc bag approach (I would suggest the ones with odor blockers if possible), you could also try to bring in a gun as a diversion...

By the way, what does rhetorical mean?

Moooooog35 said...

You say 'he threw his own feces' like it's a bad thing.

Straight Guy said...

You can't walk around with a handful of feces all day. You have to put it somewhere, right?

I have two projects on my desk at work right now that could be metaphorically categorized the same way. And yes, the perpetrators should be punished.

Dilettard07 said...

Reading that makes me almost want to get a colostomy just for the smuggling and prank potential.

Brutalism said...

See? This is why the "flaming bag of poop" is a classic. Poop in a bag is just inherently funny. Word of caution, however, since we learned this the hard way (am I right, Dilettante07?) -- light the bag of poop AFTER you arrive at the destination whose front porch you will be tossing this onto. That's a mistake you make just once.

dilettante07 said...

Unbeknownst to you
I tried to write haiku
About said bag of poo
The lighting of which taboo
Before arriving you do
At the home of person who
Will be the recipient thereto

Jay Ferris said...

Further proof that there is always such a thing as overkill, even when it comes to garnering an insanity plea.

Brutalism said...

Jay -- true, dat. Poop smearing is definitely not a subtle move. Poop dabbing, on the other hand...

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Anonymous said...

It is rather interesting for me to read this post. Thanx for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Jason the Absurdist said...

I don't know about you all but this sounds like a normal Thursday to me.

Well, except for the being in court thing.

Knucklehead said...

Don't even know where to start here. Just goes to show that there's nothing so ridiculous or twisted that there isn't someone who's gonna do it.

Sean Scully said...

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.


My 10 year old lives for that joke.

kiki said...

i have never, and will never, understand the poo obsession thing

we have a phantom crapper at work. about once every two months or so someone does a crap on the floor in the guys toilets...
i use the toilets on a different level now

dogimo said...

The insanity plea won't fly, here. Too cooly-planned. One cannot simply produce feces for a masterplan like this on the spur of the moment. No, he had a great idea - "I should throw my own feces at these people! To express my displeasure at the injustice - as monkeys in zoos do, falsely caged for the crime of insufficient DNA overlap with we homo saps!" The idea ruminated into a plan, and soon he realized, "I really need a plastic bag, to pull this off right." Which he procured.

Then he had to sort of...wait it out. Calmly. Cooly.

He knew what he was doing, every second of the way.