Monday, July 11, 2011

Painfully Obvious

Saturday, our Dilettante Activity was DJing.

The experience was completely random (as in, we each feared for our life and/or hygiene for at least a moment or two during the activity and we ended the session by taking a photo wearing Minotaur heads). 

And I'm not even drinking.

My favorite part of the activity (other than living to see another day and not having to de-louse when I got home) was meeting the cat that lived at the house where we took the lesson. His name was Hubert and he was the biggest, fattest load of a cat I have ever seen. I love fat, orange cats anyway, and he was so completely lovable that I fell instantly in love. (The fact that the bone structure in his face was a little reminiscent of Barbra Streisand is just a tad bit worrisome as to what I am inclined to fall in love with, although millions of gays cannot be wrong...)

Anyway, ol' Hubert and I were fast friends and if I called his name, he would thunder the few feet across the room toward me and then just fall over on his massive rolls of fat, ready to be petted. Once when he did this, I noticed that he was wearing a heart-shaped name tag on his collar, The tag stated simply, "I AM FAT."

So not good for his self-esteem. Though definitely accurate.

I posted this picture on Facebook yesterday because every time I thought about it, it killed me.  And a friend of mine from elementary school then sent a picture of her cat in response...the anti-Hubert:

Hubert's "After" photo, when he finally realizes that food is not love. 

The whole "announcing exactly what you are" was rather appealing to me and I chatted with the other Dilettantes about how we could capitalize on this and start our own t-shirt line. (This began with my friend, Amanda, promising that during my wake, she would put an "I AM DEAD" t-shirt on my lifeless body in the casket.) None of us Dilettantes work in hospice care. I know you may find that shocking.

Anyway, we came up with the following additional slogan ideas for our new OBVIOUSO (patent pending) line of casual wear:
  • SHORT TIMER (for those with dire prognoses or those well along in their years)
  • MY BREATH SMELLS LIKE A COMBINATION OF BAD COFFEE AND STALE CIGARETTES
  • I AM A ONE-UPPER
  • I'M A IDIOT
  • I LOOK LIKE I WOKE UP IN THE HAMPER
  • I LOVE THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE 
Happy to take your suggestions on slogans, too. Although,

I AM GOING TO KEEP ALL THE PROFITS,
Brutalism

4 comments:

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

I would like to add the following shirts (that mostly apply to myself):

1. I HAVE CARB FACE.
2. I WILL EAT YOUR LEFTOVERS.
3. I HAVE CHARLIE MANSON HAIR.
4. I WILL BUY ANYTHING ON THE CLEARANCE RACK.

Brutalism said...

YLIDHAG - I do not know what carb face is, but coupled with the Manson hair, it sounds like quite a look. Just don't rock the Manson swastika face tat with it, for the love of God.

I love the clearance rack.

The Name is Abby (Abigail if I'm in trouble) said...

Love that fatty catty photo! My suggestions:

-I don't know you.
-I have to pee.
-I'm easy.
-I have two thumbs.

Brutalism said...

Abby - The "I have two thumbs" one is just taunting most of the animal species, now, isn't it? What do you have against our furry friends? I like "I'm Easy" -- guessing that would start a lot of conversations in bars...or church...or your mother-in-law's house...