Saturday, May 09, 2009

Managing Expectations

Yesterday we read those two words that no parent ever wants to see on their kid's daily report from school. (No...not "developmentally challenged"...or "class biter"...or even "future Republican"...it was way worse than that....>cue creepy horror movie music<...under "nap time" the report stated simply, "relaxed quietly."

See, those two words determine the kind of evening we are going to have. "Slept well" means an evening full of fun and frivolity. "Relaxed quietly" means that a kid will find some kind of manic energy deep in her reserves that makes you want to disobey all traffic laws while speeding to the nearest urgent care center to have your ovaries removed.

She was on her turbo setting all night....getting into everything including a stick of butter that she proceeded to wipe all over her hands and legs in order to achieve the proper level of lubrication to begin touching things all over the house. Then, she put all the couch cushions and coasters on the floor and jumped back and forth on them like they were lily pads and she was a crack-addled frog.

Suddenly, her foot came down on one of the coasters and I heard a big ccrrraaccckk. I picked it up and saw that it had shattered. Exasperated, I asked her, "How many more things are you going to get into or break tonight?" She looked at me, then back at Canetto and then innocently (and honestly) held up two fingers.

10 comments:

Sean Scully said...

At least she knows her limit. And she offers predictability. Predictability is the key to stability.

Kathleen said...

I'm with you, Sean. Also, once I knew how many more things were going to be destroyed, I could adjust my alcohol intake accordingly. So it was pretty much a win-win.

Theresa said...

I was in tears from laughing while reading this aloud to James. We have so been there. Jimmy's new school has a new box to check under nap time - "was disruptive". I can't tell you how many times both boxes for "slept the entire time" and "was disruptive" have been checked off. Now that is talent.

Jason said...

Did she at least give you the choice of what objects she would destroy?

Jamie, at only 20 months doesn't quite have that level of self-control yet.

Holy crap - when did I become a half-full kinda guy???!

Kathleen said...

Theresa - That is hilarious about Jimmy sleeping the entire time and being disruptive simultaneously. I'm in awe.

Jason - I cannot listen to you talking about having a 20-month old because I used to BABYSIT you and therefore, you are not allowed to have a child. The end.

dilettante07 said...

crack-addled is really an underused adjective, especially when it comes to toddlers.

Kathleen said...

Amen, Dilettante07!

Amber Morisson said...

You should submit this to the "In the Motherhood" show. Very funny!

dilettante07 said...

Who is this Amber Morisson ho? She sounds like a Scientologist.

Johnny Virgil said...

So which two things bought it?