Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Batter, Batter, Batter....

So a bunch of employees in upstate New York were refusing to work this past weekend because a Swinger's Convention was being held in their (sold out) hotel.

Being the curious, investigative type that I am...I (naturally) have some questions:

1) When you think of locations in which to engage in deviant sexual escapades, do you really think Buffalo, New York? Who is this convention planner?

2) As long as your job is not sheet-changer or hot tub cleaner-outer, why would you not beg to work that weekend?

3) If you worked that weekend and saw that your former fourth grade English teacher was a conference attendee (not a stretch, based on what we know about the lifestyle), would you ever be able to use the word "conjugate" again without wincing?

4) How often do you use the word "conjugate" now?

5) Do you think that if they called the event a "swap meet", the employees would have been none the wiser?

"Entice the Falls" my ass,
Brutalism

20 comments:

Ri. Short for Maria. Not pronounced like the bread. said...

I am completely ashamed at how long it took me to realize that the title of this post referenced baseball. I immediately jumped to option B.

Ewww.

Brutalism said...

Did you ever teach the fourth grade, Ri? (Kidding. I'm KIDDING...)

Dilettard07 said...

I <3 Buffalo.

1) No kidding. It is a long drive from Ashburn.

2) Right, as if the rest of the time only Puritans stay in Buffalo hotels. Or any hotel, really.

3) Well furthermore, it would crush me. He told me I was "special."

4) I think a better cover would be to say you are the American Playground Equipment Manufacturers Association ("APEMA Swings!"). The so-called National Concrete Masonry Association is trying this out for San Antonio in March ("San Antonio: Deep, in the Heart") NCMA San Antonio!

Brutalism said...

Tard: San Antonio: Deep, In the Heart? NCMA Marketing has obviously gone downhill since I worked there and proposed the NCMA/organized crime partnership.

I <3 swimming with the fishes.

Dilettard07 said...

To be fair to NCMA, I think it is the official San Antonio tourism tag line. But clearly that's what the draw is...

And seriously, some phony testimonials from James Gandolfini, Frank Vincent, and Tony Sirico would be a dream for NCMA. You were just too far ahead of the curve for them.

YinMetYang said...

What better place for a swingers convention given that you can't have Buffalo without the "Buff"? I read somewhere that one of their rejected locations was "YoudomywifeandIdoyours, RI"

Brutalism said...

YMY - "I read somewhere" -- hmmm...perhaps in your association's monthly newsletter?

I know that Intercourse, PA was on top of the list. (heh heh...she said, "on top")

dilettante07 said...

I heard it was between Buffalo and Spanktown, NJ. Next year the international conference is in middlesex, UK.

Erratic said...

How do I get a job at that hotel immediately? I would LOVE to see the hot mess that walks into that hotel. Or maybe just the hotness? I don't really know any swingers so I am not sure if this falls in the same category as "nude beach" where everyone there is pretty horrific.

Either way, I may take a sudden, unexpected trip to Buffalo. And sleep in the lobby.

ZenMom said...

I had no idea Buffalo was so uptight.

But, for the record, when I think of deviant sexual escapades, I always think of you, darlin'. ;P

Miss Mariposa said...

i went to a gay club and saw my hs teacher there..

Brutalism said...

Erratic -- And you'd report back IMMEDIATELY with a full report and photos, right? RIGHT?!?!

ZenMom- Awww, shucks!

Jason the Absurdist said...

I just want to know how it is that you always find these things. I don't think I've ever crossed paths with a swingers convention and yet it seems to be a common theme on this here blog.

Care to explain?

PS: This gives a whole new meaning to "a swing and a miss".

Brutalism said...

JTA - We both watch news. You (correctly and intelligently) focus on the headline stories, such as health care. I latch onto the three-second "human interest" stories that they shove in there as an after thought. It's just a different way of processing information. That led you to UVA and me to JMU...

Moooooog35 said...

Swinger parties.

It's all fun and games until you realize that the woman in the middle is your mom.

That was a sad day in the history of me.

dilettante07 said...

Moooooog35: Is that for real? If so, it's both horrifying (for you) and fabulous (for us). The voyeurs want details!

Dilettard07 said...

Yeah. Details like were you in front or back of the Quimby position?

lacochran said...

I'd totally think of Buffalo. I'm said too much.

Brutalism said...

moooooog35 and lacochran: you have not said nearly enough.

Devilish Southern Belle said...

Oh, I would have LOVED to work that weekend! I'd be dying to know if anyone I "knew" was a swinger on the dl!