Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Muy Caliente

This morning, I came across a headline indicating that a former Miss Argentina had died during a cosmetic procedure. Which cosmetic procedure, you ask? Well, she was undergoing plastic surgery to get a butt implant. [Note to Brutalism readers: If you read my obituary one day and it names the manner of my death as "natural causes", rest assured that it was a butt implant gone awry and my PR people are protecting my (sadly, flat-assed) memory.]

It gets better. I did a google search to find the story and the web site I landed on installed some spyware on my (work) computer. The IT Department tried many things to remove this, and ultimately took my computer into their parents' basement special IT diagnostic lab, which is when they discovered that in addition to the spyware, my processor had overheated, which warped the laptop.

Looking forward to my annual review,
Brutalism

16 comments:

dilettante07 said...

Oh my.

I think you have to concoct some story about how there are hazardous materials in butt implants and you were tracking down a bizdev opportunity. Really commit to it and act completely indignant if they challenge you. You can sell it, I have faith.

Badass Geek said...

Well, at least you weren't looking at porn.

achowning said...

Really a bad review may be a small thing compared to your popularity in Germany.

Brutalism said...

Tante - I'm sure there are hazardous materials in butt implants -- nice angle. By the time I'm done, they'll be convinced I'm not only a savvy businessperson, but also a humanitarian. (HuCanitarian?). I slay me.

Badass Geek - The computer crashed before I could. Nothing says "Tuesday morning at work" like a little porn. Am I right?

Achowning - True. I am one lucky fraulein.

ShutUpandRun said...

Nothing like a butt implant to make your processor overheat. Just thinking about it makes me overheat :0

Moooooog35 said...

I've seen her and would have totally given her a butt implant that was a much less risky procedure.

Probably no less comfortable, but a lot less risky.

All you ladies have to do is ask.

Marilyn said...

Nice work!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Yeah thankfully you didn't die from butt implants however, your computer did. :) Seriously, who wouldn't want to read about death by butt implant?

Actually a headline that said "Death by Butt Implant" would be all sorts of awesome, because it would immediately make me think someone had tried to jam a tree up their back yard or something.

Brutalism said...

SU&R - "my processor overheated" is a great euphemism. I'll employ that in the future.

Moog - I'd heard you were the foremost authority on butt implants. Sicko.

Marilyn - Thanks. I apparently will never outgrow things like this.

VA - "backyard" - hah! (I once read a British comic that called it a "dirtbox" -- I love that, too.)

Dilettard07 said...

Laugh it up everyone. Miss Argentina is the latest victim--nay, martyr!--of the patriarchal hegemony. The whole beauty pageant circuit and female plastic surgery business is nothing but a way to make money off of women while simultaneously keeping them effectively suppressed, unable to spend time in their lives on the things that would free them from their yokes.

Men need to be nurturing. Accept women with all their imperfections, and periodically remind them during clothing fittings, before parties, and right after childbirth of such imperfections so that women can stride forth in full confidence of their individuality freedom from the patriarchy. Had the husband or boyfriend of Solange Guadalupe Magnano (SHE HAS A NAME, PEOPLE!)told her from time to time "You look great in the tiara and bikini, flat ass and all," she would still be alive today.

kiki said...

shit luck

when i read this story yesterday i remembered two other stories this year where former/current models had died. One suicidal and one something else (car accident i think)

it has prompted my friend and i to consider starting a blog that raises awareness for beautiful models that meet an untimely end

"but what about aids in africa?" i hear you say?

THERE ARE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN DYING!!

Straight Guy said...

I'm checking my organ donor status when I get home. If these implants don't work, let's start doing butt TRANSPLANTS. If my kidney will keep someone alive, they can have my ass, too. But I pity the pageant queen who will have to sashay down the catwalk sporting my detached rump.

dilettante07 said...

I think there could be an entire new genre of pageant for those unfortunate beauties who have had body part transplants. Picture it--Ms. Venezuela comes striding down the catwalk looking perfectly stunning. Yet, when she turns around, we are face to face with her strong, shapely, hairy man-calves.

Awesome.

Almost as awesome as the word verification for this post: butdr. Rather apropos, non?

Brutalism said...

Tard - I'll get back to you after I look up what "hegemony" means. Did you learn that in a Brutalist building at Snooty Toot Academy?

Dear Butt Doctor and Straight Guy - I really like that visual, actually. Kind of a PG-rated Crying Game, if you will...

Kiki - I applaud your sense of urgency and willingness to use blogging for good. Selfless, you are.

Dilettard07 said...

I learned about hegemony in the sweaty locker room of one of the buildings of brutalist architecture, yes. (Some call the work of Kallman, McKinnell and Wood "modern" but c'mon. That's like calling Notre Dame "old." Besides, it ain't modern no more.)

The academic buildings were some sort of Georgian or neo-Gothic works by architects such as Ralph Adams Cram.

I like the name Cram.

ZenMom said...

If you really want butt implants, we should coordinate. You can have some of mine. 'Cuz I'm a giver like that. And I have plenty to spare.