Monday, May 16, 2011

She Loves Me Not

UPDATE: DC Blogs linked to this post today. I'm hoping one of the readers is a family therapist...or a casting director...
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My daughter and I had a little disagreement last night. I drew a picture of what her hair looked like when she was a baby (sticking up all over the place) and apparently, it upset her. (Like it's my fault she had crazy hair when she was a baby.) (Actually, since she drew from my gene pool, it actually is my fault she had crazy hair.) (Dammit. This parenting thing is hard.)

I knew this upset her, because after I drew that, she drew a picture of me with crazy hair...

...and a beard.
This is the picture. I had to go over the white crayon with ink so it would show up.
At least she drew me smiling before drawing all over my face and giving me a beard.

I'm guessing that my laughter over the beard picture is not the response she was going for, because she then took another sheet of paper and wrote, I LOVE MOMMY in huge capital letters. Then, she marched over to where I was sitting, and very deliberately drew a circle around the sentiment and then a diagonal line through it:


Which made me think the following:

a) This would be an awesome album name and cover art
b) She is five. I am not kidding you when I say I am alternately terrified and intrigued by how dramatic some of our disagreements may become in about ten years.
c) I am sometimes glad I had a child later in life, as I may be in full dementia by the time that point arrives.
d) That would also be an awesomely disturbing tattoo
e) I love that little piece of work.

19 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

Wait. So is the beard accurate or not?

Trucking Tumbleweed said...

Oh man, you are in for it! Senility is your only hope, for reals.

dilettante07 said...

Wow--that's cold as ice.

Brutalism said...

Moooooog - Not as far as you know.

Trucking T - I think senility gets a bad rap, frankly. There are many upsides: I will be waking up with a different man every morning. (At least in my mind.)

Tante - I'm sure that is the next step -- playing that for me. I love that she used a visual to really drive her point home.

dilettante07 said...

next thing you know, she'll be charting her "love" in a spreadsheet.

Brutalism said...

Tante - Is that wrong? If it is not entered into a spreadsheet, how do you really KNOW someone loves you?

Sarah Lindahl said...

That is the best kid art I think I've ever seen. She really stuck it to you. I'd love to see the beard picture. Also, that's another good zinger, as chin hair is a bit of a sore spot with the ladies.

Brutalism said...

Sarah - I know, right? Zingerama from my spawn. When she is old enough to understand, I will lord the college fund and her inheritance over her head to make her behave. For now...we drink.

YinMetYang said...

She's going to kill you in your sleep, she's going to kill you in your sleep - not....

kath said...

She is so, so, so your offspring. Completely perfect.

Brutalism said...

YMY - This follows the recent Spanish show at her school where she listed her favorite things as fraisas and mama (strawberries and mama - in that order). I don't read too much into it. Other than she is overly dramatic. Which was way more likely than the crazy hair, considering her gene pool.

Kath - Right? I loved the whole production.

Sarah Lindahl said...

Oh, now I see the beard picture. It didn't load before for some reason. It's a reasonable likeness, I guess, but are the things on the side your ears or your arms? She is going to be a fantastic eighth grader.

FoggyDew said...

Ten years? My money's on five, six if you did something really really good in a previous life. I've seen my 6-year-old niece push my brother's buttons which, as his former button-pusher, gives me no small pleasure. You're going to have to save that picture and pull it out at her wedding rehearsal.

The Diatribest said...

RE: Chin Beard--I'm 1/2 Cuban so I battle daily ninja hair attacks on my chin. My Kiddo saw me grooming and said, "I thought only boys had beards and mustaches."

Brutalism said...

Sarah - I believe those are my ears. My swirly ears. There is a reason I blog -- I have a face for hiding behind a computer screen.

FoggyDew - Every bit of this is coming back to haunt her. Perhaps when she has a child of her own, I can create some sort of video presentation of all the things like this that she did. You know...because I care.

The Diatribest - At least you don't have swirly ears...

Bev said...

Freakin hilarious. Love your blog. You make me LOL every time. Thats some funny shit. And I know funny. And I know shit.

Brutalism said...

Bev - You just made me LOL. (And I DON'T just go around LOLing all over the place.)

dilettante07 said...

Yes you do. You LOL everywhere. It's disgusting.

Brutalism said...

Tante - I LOL and I LOL and I LOL...you're right. Sometimes, at parties when the conversation is good and the drinks are flowing, you'd swear that I had never LOLed before in my life.