Thursday, March 08, 2012


For the record, I was never a nose-picker or scab eater, although I was (am?) pretty prolific in my pants-wetting.

Which is interesting, really, as I was a painfully shy kid. (And when I say, "painfully", I mean ridiculously, paralyzingly so.) As such, I was terrified to ask teachers, instructors and other grown ups if I could use the bathroom when I needed to, which led to many, many public urination episodes.  (And yes, it has not escaped me how I somehow found wetting my pants in front of my peers less embarrassing than asking a grown up to use the restroom.)

I'm not that bright.

Then again, I'm sure lots of people from grade school remember me because of it -- it was my signature move. Read about other signature moves in this week's Patch column (the one that is accompanied by a photo of a ham).

In other news, a conversation with a co-worker/friend this morning went as follows:

Her (breathlessly): "I was so late this morning, because every single thing that could have gone wrong this morning...did!"

Me: "Oh my God! Like what?"

Her: "Well, my hair dryer broke, so it took forever to dry my hair. And I meant to paint my nails last night but ran out of time, so I had to do that this morning. And I had to use my tooth whiteners..."

Me: "Well those invisible children in Uganda have nothing on  you."

If there's anything worse than a pants-wetter, it is an unsympathetic one,


Chantel said...

Lmao at ham boy! I have been known to smack the crap out of anyone who messes with my meat! (um....well, we'll just leave that one alone)

And yes, the "hair dryer" panic attackers deserve a day in hell.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Picturing that boy dropping that ham in front of all those people brought a tear to my eye. That poor ham... That poor delicious ham. *sniff*

Brutalism said...

Chantel - I would never mess with your meat. Unless I'm despondent over my hair dryer not working...

Christian - I know. The kid can always get extensive plastic surgery and move to the other side of the world and resume a somewhat normal life. But that HAM....