Thursday, June 03, 2010

Ease My Troubles, That's What You Do

You know how there are times when you hear about something that is so awful you then have to share it with other people because passing along the details somehow eases your burden? I refer to this as the "displacement of horror" -- if you don't spread the heinousness, you're in danger of spending the rest of your days curled up in a fetal position downing Dimetapp highballs and speaking in some crazy moon language.

With that, I share with you a few things that have recently come to my attention:

1) While searching the Meetup site for potential Dilettante activities, I discovered the NoVA polyamory meetup. For those not familiar with "polyamory" (please let that be most of you), it is the new word for swinging. Not only do these folks get together at a dive-y diner in the area, but they also all feel perfectly okay about posting their photos to this site (including one man in nude tights and high heels who appears to be leaping into the air). Although, my corneas began to spontaneously combust after I saw that, so I'm not entirely sure.

One of the many things I question about this group is do they not even have one marketer in the bunch? If you are trying to attract new people to this meetup/lifestyle and someone is on the fence about whether or not they're going to take the plunge, is this the photo you want on your front page to persuade them? I mean, I'm no sexual deviant, so maybe I just don't understand the "Grandma and Grandpa at a church dinner" fetish.

2) A gentleman in Iowa was discovered pleasuring himself outside an Arby's restaurant. Therefore, my new favorite euphemism for masturbation is "doing the jamocha shake."

3) On Memorial Day weekend, we took my mom and her husband with us to meet some friends at a sunset celebration at Mt. Vernon. We figured it would be nice to stroll the grounds with a glass of wine, imagining what it was like to live in Washington's day and think about all of the decisions that had been made there that affected the history of our country. And as we were doing this, we walked by one of the outbuildings on the property that had a sign stating simply, "dung repository."

I may have just found my Brutalism tag line.

Dimetapp cocktail?


Dilettard07 said...

I can't say I am familiar, in the practical sense, with "polyamory." Neither had I seen the word before.

However, the roots were immediately obvious to me so I was able to dope it out. And this is truly where the horror begins, oh Brutalism.

From Basic Greek Elements that All English Speakers and Readers Should Know:

poly- (Greek: many, much; too many, too much, excessive; often used as a prefix).

Don’t confuse this poly- with the next -poly that means “to sell”.

-poly, -pole, -polism, -polist, -polistic, -polistically (Greek: used as a suffix; sale, selling; one who sells; pertaining to selling).

Don’t confuse this element with the previous poly- that means “many”.

OK, so now there is some ambiguity: do they mean "many lovers," "too many lovers," or--holy crap--are they selling lovers! Who knows?! Just because they don't use "poly" as a suffix does not mean that you can take for granted that these people really mean many and not selling!

BUT! Here is where the real horror comes. In ancient Greek, the root "phile" refers to love. That's right, astute readers, these perverts mixed Greek and Latin roots to give the world a word that could only have been cooked up on the Island of Dr. Moreau!

So go back to "swingers" and keep your butchery off of my lexicon, you ignoble deviants.

I am going to need some serious beer drinking tonight to be right again tomorrow.

BigSis said...

I knew what that word meant, so the clear conclusion is that I watch too much TV. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I live in NoVA. I can't dig any deeper...

Straight Guy said...

I think I get it. Waffles are sexy (you can't argue with science... or syrup). But waffle-eaters? Not so much.

Let me also add that I've never wanted a roast beef sandwich THAT bad.

dilettante07 said...

I bet BigSis knows all about the rocks in the front of the house too...

Brutalism said...

BigSis - I'm obviously watching the wrong TV shows. ("TV shows" in air quotes).

Straight Guy -- There is definitely a difference between wanting a roast beef sandwich and WANTING a roast beef sandwich. I'm with you.

Brutalism said...

Tante - You certainly seem to, polyamorist...

Gorilla Bananas said...

The sin committed by the man outside the restaurant was not his self-abuse, but the fact that he made eye-contact with people while doing it. We gorillas are happy to let humans wank in peace as long as they don't look us in the eye.

Trooper Thorn said...

In Iowa they enjoy 'beefing their cheddar".

Christmas hampers said...

Inspiring with a touch of whimsy - swings from masturbation to fast food and back again. Loving it.

Moooooog35 said...'re saying I should take my picture down?

Anonymous said...

You ruined the shake for me forever. ;)
Not really!

Brutalism said...

Gorilla Bananas - I know. The fact that he looked people in the eye(and the guys photo, let's be honest) add extra layers of creepiness to this.

Trooper Thorn - Well played, cheddar beefer.

Christmas hampers - While at the doctor's office this morning, I was reading a local magazine and there was an article about guess what? Swinging. I swear...this stuff follows me.

Moooooog - I think it would be best.

Ms. Givens - Let's just have it ruin Iowa for us forever. We're probably more likely to stick to an Iowa ban than an Arby's ban. (Unless, of course, you're from Iowa.)

dilettante07 said...

At least I finally know what the hell the "Horsey Sauce" was for!

This blog is very ejookashunal.

Verification word: rearkicr. Heh heh

Brutalism said...

Tante - Don't ever bring horsey sauce to a polyamory meetup. Learned that one the hard way. (So to speak.)