A Three-Way

While I was talking to my mom on the phone last night, she mentioned that she and her husband just bought a new thermometer. (It's a shame I've never been wanted by the FBI, because the amount of fascinating information they could pick up by bugging my telephone is astounding.)

She further explained that it was a three-way thermometer -- it could take your temperature orally, in your armpit and rectally.

Which, of course, made me think, "Wow. I don't remember eating that."

And, as always, I have some questions:

• Whereas I can appreciate efficiencies, have you really ever wanted to save a buck that badly?
• Is this just a ploy by the three-way thermometer lobby and the label lobby to get you to buy (and aggressively label) one for each purpose just so there is NOT EVEN THE REMOTEST POSSIBILITY that someone else would use a thermometer in more than one bodily location?
• Does anyone use a rectal thermometer once they stop counting their age in months? (Rhetorical!)
• If you lived with even one other person do you trust them enough to always use the properly labeled thermometer? (In my opinion, this  trust issue has catapulted to the top of the list of things to discuss prior to marriage. Ahead of how you spend money, whether or not you want kids and religion.)
• Is it insulting that I always pack my own (one-way) thermometer in my suitcase when I visit my mom on the slight chance I develop a fever during the visit?

Appalled to the utmost degree,
Brutalism