Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Amber Arc Of Judgement

An old friend from back in the ORGANIZATION THAT DOES NOT HATE FREEDOM days sent me an e-mail yesterday. She had seen one of those car window decals of the cartoon character Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes) urinating on the words "gun control" and not only e-mailed me about it, but tried to get a picture of it with her cell phone while driving. When we used to work together, we had a standing (heh heh) joke about these decals (although, we'd substitute one of the uber-manly female NRA leaders for Calvin, claiming this "woman" could pee standing up. She probably did, and she definitely would have peed on the words "gun control.").

Once, I saw one of these on a car where Calvin was urinating on the words "ex wife." And all I could think was a) she must be thrilled to be an ex and b) what would you do if that guy showed up at your house for a date? I mean, just like those things that go around license plates that say things like "gas, grass or ass, nobody rides for free" -- you glean a lot of information from a seemingly small car decoration. (In the spirit of total disclosure, I did once go on a date with a guy who owned a pickup truck that had personalized plates spelling out DIXEE. I don't know which is worse -- the complete embrace of his redneckedness, or the fact that he had to spell it that way [meaning, of course, that another Virginian already owned DIXIE] and still chose to pay extra to get it.)

Anyway...what are some things you'd like to see Calvin urinating on?

UPDATE: Things I'd like see Calvin urinating on:
1. Whoever writes the "He went to Jared" commercials
2. Mixed metaphors (heard a woman say yesterday that she wears her heart on her shoulder)

UPDATE 2: From Candace, aforementioned former co-worker:
1. Emoticons, and/or all the variations of "LOL" (i.e., ROFL, LMAO, ROFLMFAJHERTCLZ!!!) (I made that last one up.)
2. The people who brought us the Snuggie (TM)
3. Blagojevich's creepy hair (How about Blagojevich in general? - ed.)
4. That Kid Rock song that's part Sweet Home Alabama, part Werewolves of London, and all crap (Don't hate me, but I like this song. - ed.)
5. Kid Rock in general. (Don't hate me again, but I kinda like him. Even though I do realize he is likely to own a pickup truck with DIXEE on the license plate. - ed.)
6. Inappropriate Facebook status updates, like the friend of a friend who posted the results of her pap smear (true story). (EEEEwwwwwww. - ed.)
7. The small dog trend in which people "walk" their dogs in strollers and dress them up, etc. (You're projecting here, aren't you Candace? Uncle Lou LOVES him some dressing up and tooling around in a stroller, we all know that. - ed.)
8. The phrase "a whole nother" (This was the biggest pet peeve of a guy named John that I used to date. He oft said, "why are people inserting the word "whole" into the word "another" -- it makes no sense." - ed.)


Dilettard07 said...

The moldering corpse of Charlton Heston, maybe? It could have little X's for the eyes.

In the Calvin and Hobbes entry in Wikipedia, there is an entire section on copyright infringement.

I liked this part, especially:

Watterson wryly commented, "I clearly miscalculated how popular it would be to show Calvin urinating on a Ford logo."

Kathleen said...

I love Bil Watterson.

Dilettard07 said...

Wait just a Goddam minute! Kid Rock stole that idea for Werewolves of Alabama from my pals Glenn and Topher who, back in the mid to late 90s, totally did that song with their band Squash. I think it was only ever a live production.

And, it was an outstanding piece of work.

Frickin' Kid Rock.

Candace said...

I put Uncle Lou in a sweater once that my mom bought him for Christmas, just so I could take a picture to show her so she would shut up about it, and he promptly chewed it off. He is no stroller ridin' dress up doll, I assure you.

On another note, I can't believe you like that Kid Rock song. He rhymes "things" with......wait for it......"things"!!!! That's not a rhyme!

Kathleen said...

I know, I know... Want to question my musical taste even further? I like the duet he does with Sheryl Crow,too. The one that everyone with any sort of taste just abhors. I suck. If it is any consolation, I think he looks really dirty...and he's one of those fat skinny guys. He's naturally skinny, but has no muscle tone and a gut. What's that about? I have no use for that.

On the upside, I am thrilled to learn that Uncle Lou is no girlie man.