Because he just recently cleaned out his drawers and threw away a bunch of worn out underwear, he asked me to order him about 30 new pairs of underpants. (Younger women: I am speaking to you from your future -- this is what the carefree and fulfilling life of a 10-years-married woman entails.) Off I went to FreshPair.com and placed the order for the 30 pairs of boxer briefs.
First one month passed. Then, another week. That's when my campaign to locate the underpants-in-limbo* began. (*Unrelated aside: When I was in AP Art History in high school with my sister and our friend, Darren, we studied a painting titled "Christ in Limbo" that depicted Christ in between heaven and hell. To amuse us during a rather lengthy lecture one day, my sister drew a line over Christ's head and retitled the painting, "Christ DOING the Limbo". Heathens...all of us.)
I wrote a politely-worded letter to FreshPair that asked simply,
"Can you please tell me the status of my order?"
which received an automated reply with generic information telling me that a customer service agent would be in touch with me soon regarding my order.
No one got in touch with me. So, after another week, I sent another note, this one worded a little more strongly, asking,
"For the love of God....where are my underpants?!"
Again, an automated reply. But this one was followed up with a "personal" note from a customer service representative that did not provide one more bit of information, but gave me some encouragement that there was actually a human being on the other end of the e-mail address.
Another week passed, and I decided this called for some serious action, so I wrote another e-mail that went something like this:
"I've seen London, I've seen France, what I haven't seen are my underpants. Where the heck are the underpants that I ordered?"
And again, I received the most generic note from the customer service representative, with no indication that they had read or appreciated my
Days later, as I was preparing to send a photo of my husband naked from the waist down to emphasize just how desperately we needed these underpants, we finally received a package of underpants in the mail from FreshPair.com.
Now with a happily underpanted husband,