Sunday, July 19, 2015

A Martle By Any Other Name...

When I first saw this on Saturday Night Live I was amused, but of course understood that it was an obvious exaggeration of reality. You make us laugh:

Until I began receiving photos from my friend, Meredith, who lives in Manhattan and has this identical experience -- often -- at the many Starbucks locations she frequents there.

(Aside: I have actually taken to calling Meredith "Beleth" because it is my personal favorite creative spelling of her name by Starbucks employees. I enjoy this so much that I have changed her contact info in my e-mail address book and on my phone so that her name is always displayed as "Beleth" when we're chatting.)

It's fun to be my friend.

But don't get me wrong...there have been many other strong contenders:

"Maratif" and "Maratith" - at least these were in the same ballpark -- very, very close to "Meredith." Grade: B-

"Medridith"? For inserting a D where it does not belong, I'm inserting a D into your grade - Grade: D
"Martle"? Martle? Seriously....Martle? Not only does this sound nothing like "Meredith" it
also does not even share the same number of syllables. Thanks, Obama! - Grade: F-
While this shows an appalling lack of effort -- it is also deftly avoids an egregious
misspelling - so for that we'll award - Grade: C
Does that say "Malurey"? I don't even care anymore.  Grade: frowny face emoticon
Beleth's Friend,

Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Hork If You Love Taxis

Apparently taxis in Chicago are now charging a vomit premium, a fact brought to my attention by an alert friend and former co-worker, who not only shared this bit of information but also a titanic-sized bag of Garrett’scaramel corn as a gift from the windy city.
Garrett's caramel corn would never result in a vomit clean-up fee. The stuff is DELICIOUS.
Make no mistake...I’m 100% in favor of this premium. If I owned or operated a cab, I would go a step further and require the fee cover any bodily secretion cleanup. One can never be too thorough. (Lawyers, you know.)

Because I am also a marketer, however, I would package this increased charge as something “fun” and “whimsical” Perhaps something like "Regurgi-rate" or "Up(chuck)-charge."

My genius is still unrealized,