Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Terima Kasih for the Memories...

For the last three weeks, I was traveling in Indonesia and China with my husband, now 6-year-old daughter and our friends Amanda and Leon. The trip was fantastic, and although I kept a journal detailing every aspect of the trip, it is impossible for me to translate that into a blog post because I feel like it will cheapen what was a life-changing experience I'm lazy. But because I am a blogger, and therefore, an over sharer, I am compelled to provide information about some of the highlights in list form:

Southeast Asia travels, what I learned:

1) Many of the toilets in Indonesia require you to add scoops of water to make them flush. The literal translation for what type of activity you'll be doing is "throw small water" (number one) and "throw big water" (number two) to explain how much water needs to be used to dispose of your deposit. One public restroom we saw charged people different amounts based on activity, and was apparently (hopefully?) based on the honor system...

Pipis (Number One) - 1000 rupiah
Mandi (Bath) - 3000 rupiah
Buangair Besar (Throwing Big Water) - 2000 rupiah
I have no idea who would be bathing in a public restroom, but let's focus instead on "pipis" (heh).
2) When you freak out a little because the throwaway underpants you are issued at a spa are extremely tight around your waist and you are embarrassed by your girth, it is helpful to remove them, shift them 45 degrees and put the leg hole around your LEG.

3) When you are a bule (honky) at an Indonesian wedding, you get a small taste of what it is like to be Jennifer Aniston, as everyone wants to get a picture with you and the photographers will hide in the potted plants to snap photos. (This is completely true.)

4) When a wild monkey climbs your dress in the monkey forest, then reaches in your bag and grabs the entire bunch of bananas you've brought, it is best to let the monkey have his way so he does not chomp your finger angrily like he did to that poor Russian girl the day before.

5) "Balinese wood" can be dropped into conversation almost constantly when you are in Bali. Sometimes even in relation to the fantastic wood carving that is done there.

6)  When you ask your tour guide how many of the Sultan's five daughters are married, she will reply, "four...and the fifth one probably will not marry because she is "sporty"...

7) In Indonesia, you may be offered many things for sale while you are sitting in a vehicle at a stop light. These things range from food items to rubber gorilla masks to blow guns. Because you never know when you may need a rubber gorilla mask on your way to an important client meeting.

8) You feel a little bit like a rock star withdrawing 1,500,000 from an ATM until you realize that equals about 170 bucks.

9) When your daughter refers to "take off" in the airplane as "blast off" you do not correct her, as you find this adorable.

10) The best part about staying in a villa is being able to toss the fact that you are staying in a villa into every sentence. I'm lying. The best part is the private pool, breakfast being made for you, massages by the pool and outdoor showers amid the scent of fresh jasmine and plumeria.

11) Jet lag can turn your first few nights with your young child into scenes reminiscent of "Weekend at Bernie's" as you cart her comatose body with you to nice restaurants.

12) For some reason, when you are that far from home and someone offers you a cup of poop, you take them up on the offer. (Mandatory joke: that was some good shit.)

13) When you see a perfectly circular rainbow in the sky and comment on how cool it is, your tour guide will become noticeably shaken and claim that the last two times there have been perfectly circular rainbows, there were devastating earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. You will then get a little nervous about getting on a flight that evening.

14) Durian fruit works in a pinch if there is not a nearby dog that you can blame for unseemly odors. (Canetto...)

15) You will make jokes constantly about getting "the 'gue" because Dengue fever is hilarious.
Temples, schmemples,


A Lady Reveals Nothing said...

Dengue really IS hilarious!!

Trout Almondine said...

All it needs is a slogan, like "Dengue fever...catch it!"

I've been watching too much "Mad Men."

Lisa randazzo Kearns said...

Perhaps if you were wearing a rubber gorilla mask, you would not have been robbed by a monkey.

KevStar said...

I hope Lee and Amander explained to Avery Pants what "getting a blast" means in relation to airplane flights so she can get started early with the classy lifestyle of frequenting airport bars.

dilettante07 said...

So impressed that you both captured and embraced the insanity that is Indonesia. This is why we are friends. Nothing snarky to say.

Just kidding! Please poke canetto 258986574278 times and say, "short fuse!" for me, k?

Brutalism said...

Kady - I thought of you as I wrote that, as I remembered you had a touch of the 'gue. It isn't hilarious at all, is it?

Trout Almondine - Or "Got Dengue?"
(I like the way you think.)

Lisa - Aha! Perhaps that is exactly why they sell the rubber gorilla masks on the street. Honestly, one does not have to do drugs in Indonesia (death penalty for drug offenses aside) in order to fell that one is hallucinating.

KevStar - Lee and Amander did NOT enlighten her as to that. Also they definitely taught her a few things that I've had to tell her are NOT safe for sharing at kindergarten. (Like the "here's your mom" song...)

Tante - I love Indonesia. I do not love that I am now the focus of Canetto's annoying behaviors because you are not with us every day anymore.

VEG said...

Now that all sounds FANTASTIC! But I'm still laughing at "blast off". I am SO using that every time I fly from now on. Which is a lot. I am so over flying. Hee. Blast off.

Stacey said...

After drinking a cup of poop, would one need to throw small water or big water?
Your trip sounds pretty cool, but I'm glad you're back!

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

"Because you never know when you may need a rubber gorilla mask on your way to an important client meeting." ... or a blow gun.

My wife and I traveled in China a few years ago and also experienced that Jenifer Aniston effect.

Several times we had complete strangers come up to us and ask us to be in their picture with them. We're both on the tall side so I assumed that was a big part of it. Or maybe they assume all Americans are famous. I don't know. It was odd.

Brutalism said...

Veggie - I think you should use blast off, too. We were on planes all the time during this trip, and I still never get used to it. I'm always nervous. And, I timed by Ambien wrong, so that was just a mess.

Trucking T - Thanks! I think cup o' poop generally leads to spending 2000 rupiah, if you know what I mean...

Christian - Oh, I've needed a blow gun several times on the way to important client meetings.

Then again, I used to work for the NRA.

Yeah, we're tall, too, which was part of it. The other part is that we're awesome and Brutalism is HUGE in Asia. (Not really, but no one here in the U.S. knows either way, do they?)

Dilettard07 said...

"Poor Russian girl" had it coming. She handed the monkey a banana and did not let go so her friend could take her time making nice photo.

Monkey don't have time for such nonsense so he kindly let her know with his teeth. He may also have been commenting on her attire.

Fourth grade will be a good time for sharing the "Here's your Mom" song sung to the tune of the Wall's ice cream vendor ditty. We'll be sure to refresh her memory in a few years.

Brutalism said...

Tard - I know, I know...the poor Russian girl was taunting that poor monkey. With her behavior and her attire.

Please do refresh her memory in a few years. The other day, when she was attempting to get out of cleaning her room, she came up with a medley including 'Here's your mom' and 'bernanner split' -- she's no dummy.

nema anita said...

terima kasih...

HogsAteMySister said...

Teksi! Utu. Tidak apa. I'm done. And I am only self-promoting because you may have had an

"Alamak!" moment while in Indonesia. But if you had TP and two hands, no worries.

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