Wednesday, September 26, 2012


On Saturday, I was offered tickets to the Monday night performance of Madonna's MDNA tour at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC. My desire to see Madonna over the years has been trumped by only one thing -- my desire to not sell a kidney to pay for the tickets to see Madonna. So with the offer of complimentary admission, I immediately said "yes." And I am so glad I did...this is the best show I have ever seen with the exception of G.G.Allin (but that's kind of an apples-to-coprophagia comparison, so it's not really fair...)

So, finally having experienced the Material Girl first-hand, I give you: My first Madonna concert...a timeline:

8:30pm - Babysitter arrives. Feel very hip and cool about going out on a school night before realizing that it took two cups of coffee to keep me awake enough to put on pants.

8:45pm - Smugly wonder why people always complain about DC the trip in is blissfully speedy. Granted it is 8:45pm, but we are smug nonetheless.

9:00pm - Walk around Verizon Center. Pop into arena occasionally to listen to DJ Benny Benassi and text club-music-loving-friends to let them know we are in his presence. Bask in return-text jealousy.

9:45pm -  Make new friends in the ladies restroom. (Both with women and those simply dressed as such). Note that it was really not imperative that I did put on pants. Love that new friends happily pose for pictures:

"Like a Virgin" Madonna, "Rock Hard Abs" Madonna, "Desperately Seeking Susan" Madonna
(as if you needed the caption...)
10:00pm - Enjoy great people watching. And by that, I mean a lot of great looking guys watching my husband as he walks by. Feel invisible. Try and convince husband to make out with one of these guys to get us into a sky suite. Unsuccessful in this endeavor.

10:15pm - Begin to fade. Mainline a jumbo diet coke.

10:25pm - Beeline to restroom after mainlining jumbo diet coke.

10:30pm - Show begins. Best described as equal parts Quentin Tarantino movie/church service/burlesque show/high school marching band performance. It is also part circus sideshow, considering how many triple-jointed dancers that look like living Giacometti sculptures are part of this extravaganza.

11:30pm - Become unclear about which presidential candidate Madonna supports, but understand that she wholly supports displaying her bum on a jumbotron:

Not judging. If my bum looked like hers, I would also display it on a jumbotron.
Although it's doubtful that so many people would pay to see it.
12:30am - Cannot believe show has been going on for two hours, as it feels like it has just begun. Watch the diva perform one of my favorite Madonna songs, "Like a Prayer," and assume she is serenading me personally. Break my own cardinal rule of concert-going by singing along with the artist. And at the top of my lungs.

12:31am - Notice husband mulling over earlier offer to temporarily switch teams, if only to get away from the lunatic next to him singing "Like a Prayer" at the top of her lungs.

Madonna...singing directly to me. From the jumbotron.
1:00am - After another easy drive home (seriously, commuters -- toughen up!), pay babysitter roughly the equivalent cost of a Madonna ticket.

6:30am - Grab iPhone off nightstand to turn off intrusive and jarring alarm. Inadvertently press reverse camera icon. Become instantly terrified of creature looking back at me and leap out of bed, fueled by pure adrenalin.

9:00am - Make it to work with hair in a ponytail, and after guzzling no fewer than three cups of coffee. Involuntarily "Vogue" with hands when describing show to co-workers.


A million thanks to Moss Building and Design for making this long-time Madonna fan's dream of seeing her in concert come true:

MDNA WNABE circa 1985 2007


Anonymous said...

How fun! So glad you had a good time.

Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

I like Madonna, although I wouldn't consider myself such a huge fan to the extent of dressing up liker her. Maybe one my cats or two but definitely not myself.

Bob C. said...

I love Madonna and wanted to see her in Kansas City on 10/31 until I discovered I would have to sell my first born child and don't have one to sell.

So MDNA will come and go without this 60-year-old fan in the audience. So glad someone I know got to see the show.

Anonymous said...

For my ass, I would need a second Jumbotron. In fact, "Jumbotron" IS my nickname for my ass.

middle child said...

Love. Love. Love Madonna!!!!!
Saw one of her concerts. She is great. It was also fun watching the drunk girls flirting with the row of gay guys...totally oblivious to the fact that they were gay.

TILTE said...

Wait. You were at a Benny Benassi concert and didn't even watch the show?? I don't understand what's going on.

Brutalism said...

Phnx65 - The only thing that would have made it better is if my husband got us into a sky suite. He's selfish.

Christian - Oktoberfest is this weekend. You guys HAVE to come.

Bob C. - Is this Bob Costas? I loved your Olympics coverage. (I hear you -- ticket prices were ridiculous, from what I understand. I love her and just would never pay that much.) I would, and did, however, pimp myself out. That I have no problem with.

Anonymous - I was so working on a my ass/jumbotron joke for this post and did not come up with a good one. So thank you -- perfect!

Middle child - I love that the girls were flirting with the gay men...unawares.

YLIDHAG - I know, I know. I'm tragically un-hip. Loved what I heard...but also wanted to people-watch...

Bob Chrisman said...

Who is Bob Costas? Is he a Madonna fan who lives in Kansas City?

No, it's Bob C. from the Erma Bombeck conference who is still jealous that you got to see Madonna live.