Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Happiest Place on Earth May be Overstating it Slightly. Although it is one of the happier places in central Florida that's sorta mid-way between Tampa and Jacksonville...

Recently, I spent about a week at Disney World with my family. I had two back-to- back work conferences at the same hotel in Orlando so I arranged for my husband and daughter to come down in between. After we got it all planned, my company cancelled our participation in the conferences and as it is easier to swallow the cost of a last minute plane ticket and paying for a hotel room while my husband was on furlough from his government contracting job than tell my 8-year-old that our Disney trip was not going to happen – we found ourselves on vacation.

In addition to seeing some of my favorite things that Disney has to offer including but not limited to adults wearing Crocs adorned with jibbitz!, grown men dressed unironically and soberly as Piglet at the Disney Halloween celebration and the restaurant named Tubby’s Buffeteria, I had forgotten that probably my very favorite thing about Disney World is just how dirty sounding so much of it is. Which is how I came up with my latest Top Ten list. That being: 

My favorite Disney-related words and phrases that sound dirty but aren't:

10.   That's the rear entrance to Fantasyland.
  9.   Take that monorail into the Magic Kingdom.
  8.   That wand sure makes me feel like a princess.
  7.   I love it when you go to Downtown Disney. 
  6.   I know you're excited about Cinderella's ball...but I'm not feeling it.
  5.   Look! He's got his hand in the hunny pot!
  4.   "Now I'm the king of the swingers, boy..."
  3.   You are tall enough to ride.
  2.   You've got a fastpass to the Magical express.
  1.    Fantasmic.

P.S. While doing research for this post, I learned that Disney Cast Members actually use abbreviations and euphemisms so as not to disturb guests with unpleasantness at the happiest place on earth. For instance, "AFR" stands for "accidental fecal release" (as opposed to an intentional, malicious fecal release, one suspects). And a "protein spill"? Vomit-palooza. Apparently, there is also an underground grid of corridors that cast members use to get from one place to another throughout the park. They call this the "utilidor", a word that causes me to have a little protein spill in my mouth, if you know what I mean.

P.P.S. Blogger spell check erroneously concluded that jibbitz, unironically, Buffeteria, Fantasylandhunny, fantasmic and palooza are not words. On the upside, they also concluded that neither are utilidor or imagineer.

P.P.P.S. The powers that be at Disney also summarily rejected my brilliant money-making scheme of brewing and distributing their own beer: Walt Liquor. Imagineers, my ass. 


Christian at Point Counter-Point Point Point said...

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah your Uncle Remus until we reach Splash Mountain



Sean Scully said...

Wait, you mean I must be ironic when wearing my Piglet costume?

Brutalism said...

Christian: I'll thank you for never mentioning my Uncle Remus again.

Sean: Yes. It's the way it has to be.