Sunday, March 13, 2016

Wowzy Wowzy Woo Woo, Incorporated

I'm a manager at my place of employment, something I have aggressively tried not to be in my last several positions, and not just because those I manage do not respond positively to my (extremely effective) general management philosophy:

I plan to write a book and begin a seminar series centered around this concept.
Move over, Steven Covey!
I've also tried to avoid management because I find it basically entails keeping track of a trillion crises that seem to occur only on work days and in a disproportionate amount to the general population. Call me cynical, but I find these sorts of things never seem to interrupt a vacation or day off.

I was explaining this to a friend who could totally relate and who shared with me, without exaggeration, a list of work-missing issues that affected her own team (of just a few people) in the past couple of months (she honestly pulled this list from her emails):
  • running into the garage door while trying to exit the garage
  • getting into a car accident 
  • getting a flat tire
  • having a car broken into
  • having general car trouble
  • having a check engine light come on
  • having computer trouble 
  • having a sick cat
  • having a sick dog
  • having a sick kid
  • having a kid break a bone
  • having a kid get braces
  • having a sinus headache
  • having a migraine
  • having a regular headache
  • having a colonoscopy
  • having food poisoning
  • having general malaise
  • oversleeping/running late
  • being snowed in (along with everyone else in the area)
  • being snowed in (when no one else in the area was)
  • being delayed due to transportation planning issues for an upcoming trip
  • being delayed due to sitting behind an accident on the way into work
  • needing to take a relative to the airport
  • needing to be home for a renovation project
  • forgetting a laptop at home
Wowzy Wowzy Woo's the schleprock-ification of the workforce.
Forget the management seminars, I'm going to develop a screening tool for people to apply to potential new hires to determine the risk to their productivity. 

Step 1: those with a rain cloud over their shoulder don't get a second interview. 

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