Not So Attractive

Because we are similar in age and working out frequency, my good friend, Lisa, and I found ourselves at separate MRI appointments on a recent Wednesday morning to address some knee overuse issues. 

But that, dear reader, is where the similarity ends. You see, I went to an MRI office that was housed in a medical complex near a hospital. It was very straightforward, and I got my imaging done in the office and it took 30 minutes start to finish. The only surprise was the complete nonchalance about all the metal I have in body (pins and screws in both wrists, a bottom retainer in my mouth, and a nose ring). The technician waved me off when I brought this up and asked me only to "indicate if it starts to feel warm near your nose ring when the procedure begins."

Lisa, on the other hand, had quite a memorable time. You see, after she checked in for her appointment, the technician asked, "did they tell you we'd be doing your scan in the satellite location?" Lisa assumed this meant they'd be headed to another office space in the building. Alas, she was directed OUT of the building and to this: 

Yup. Her MRI took place in the back of a semi. Please note: this turn of events is not unusual if you've been tracking Lisa's medical appointments with me through the years. 

However, because I am naturally a curious, inquisitive type, I had many questions upon hearing her tale, namely:

• How did you get into the truck?
• What was your reaction when you realized your medical procedure could be done at an all-night diner right off the interstate?
• Did the technician also possess a commercial driver's license?
• When the procedure was finished, did the technician say, "10-4, good buddy"?
• And, perhaps most importantly, Did you fear it would be like the Child Catcher from "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and that the technician would lure you into the truck, only for the sides to fall away and reveal it was a cage? (No? Just me?)

                                                                        The fear is real. 

Also, even though we've been conditioned to believe that a tiny nose ring's worth of metal will impale and kill us once the MRI scanner turns on, she was allowed to keep all of her clothes on, including her bra and her shoes. Interestingly, she did have to remove her nose ring. And an estrogen patch. She also climbed five metal stairs to access the scanner. If I may use a medical term here, the rules around metal in the MRI machine feel very "loosey goosey."

Lisa is not the only one that has experienced some interesting appointments through the years. I had a colonoscopy appointment a few years back that involved the following:

• The most attractive human man I have ever seen in the wild was the PA at the doctor's office who checked me in and asked graphic questions about my "stools" 
• Walking into the procedure room where I was greeted by two completely bald men in identical black turtlenecks who were each wearing nametags identifying them as "Jimmy"
• Noting that the usual medical cabinets in the procedure room had been replaced by a large black-and-red Craftsman tool box

All (apparently) went well and I was given a clean bill of health by the Jimmys. Although I did find it unsettling when they informed me I was a quart low.