Here in the DC area, we have been buried in snow for the past three days. Since we, as an area, do not deal with this amount of snow well, I still cannot get out of my cul de sac to any main road. Because I am someone who requires quite a bit of alone time, I am about twelve minutes away from turning into Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
Rather than being frightened by this, my husband instead views this as some sort of invitation to test my limits of patience:
Canetto: "You know, you have a short fuse."
Me: "I don't think so. I am just getting cabin fever."
Canetto: (while poking me repeatedly): "Short fuse. Short fuse. Short fuse. Short fuse. Short fuse."
Me: "Oh. My. God. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!"
Canetto: (calmly and matter of factly) "See? Short fuse."
Writing redrum on the mirror,
On Halloween I decorated the dining room and adjoining living room in a spooky theme. I had written "REDRUM" in lipstick on the glass of a picture frame across from a mirror. Turned out it didn't show up that well with the print behind the glass. This sign was the one thing I forgot to clean up after Halloween. (Well, that and the Jack O Lantern that sat for weeks at the bottom of the stairs) I kept forgetting to wipe that glass clean. One day I had a visitor come to interview me for my husband's updated top secret clearance. He sat on the couch right under that "REDRUM" picture. I wonder if he noticed.
Lisa - That is one of the best stories, ever. Don't you wonder if that comes up at his holiday dinner table? "You know, she seemed really nice and normal...but I was a bit unsettled by the REDRUM written in lipstick on her mirror.."
I believe every damn word of your story because I witnessed him poking you and repeatedly (and needlessly) buzzing you on New Year's Eve during Taboo.
Can't imagine where you got your short fuse from.
YMY - I will say it again. I should not have to work under these conditions. It's hard to complain...people are not real sympathetic when I say that my husband wants to poke me all the time...
You have a sympathetic ear at this end of the culdesac, Norma Rae.
Is he dead yet?
Zen Mom - He had the good sense to go to a neighbor's house to watch the Super Bowl, so he is safe.
FYI, if you actually start resembling Jack Nicholson, may I suggest that your first stop once the snow melts be the plastic surgeon.
You should've poked him back and said "death wish, death wish death wish..."
The man's playing with fire.
There's more on the way. Heeeeere's Johnny!!!!
Please tell me you also have a labyrinth-like garden he can get lost in (or you can get lost in ... along with a bottle of vodka, you know..... just to keep the homicidal blood flowing)
KevStar and I shoveled out 200 feet of alley to send my parents on their way yesterday (they decided to show up on Friday morning despite my warnings). Otherwise the rum would have been red indeed.
So start shoveling.
I love Timmy.
Sounds like his husbandry style is dead even with mine. Remind me to buy him a beer next time you guys fly me out to DC. Just make sure it's in the summer.
Moooooog – Well, I have been offered floor seats at all the Lakers game of late…and beautiful women much younger than me ask me out… Crap. I think I am beginning to resemble Jack Nicholson.
Tante – I simply replaced “redrum” with “redwine” and we are now getting along swimmingly.
Marilyn – See above. Red wine is the key to tolerance.
Miss Spoken – Sadly, I do not have a labyrinth/garden. However, since we now have about 10,000 feet of snow accumulation(give or take), I can create one in the drifts. That is a great way to get some exercise during this storm – being chased by a homicidal maniac.
Tard – Hopefully, there was something good on tap at the Stucco Mansion to help you through.
Kath – That is because you are not trapped with him during SNOWMAGEDDON (it hurt to write that).
Jay – Wish I had read the last sentence prior to FedExing your plane ticket. (And stop poking your wife.)
The Shining is the scariest movie EVER.
"I am about twelve minutes away from turning into Jack Nicholson in The Shining" = brilliant!
Juli - I'm sorry...I was busy chopping a door down with an axe...thanks for stopping by.
Glad to know I wasn't the only one with these thoughts. Fleeting as they were. I swear. I never saw kids in my hallway.
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