My Poor-Eater Friend

From Scott:

"If you looked old and ugly I wouldn't associate with you (unless you were super easy)."

(Regarding the Dilettante blog): "I like the "hep" pictures for the bio portion. I will reserve my un-friendlike comments that bubbled forth over the tacky prom pix other than to say that was absolutely smoking."

Drawing A Blank

Halloween is still my very favorite holiday. I love dressing up and going out. Of course, back in the day, I used to incorporate handcuffs into every costume so that I could handcuff myself to cute guys at parties (a surprisinginly effective maneuver -- no wonder so many cops are swingers).

I used to pride myself on how clever and topical my costumes were, too. There were some great ones over the years.

This year? I got nothing. Nothing.

Maybe I'll just dress up like a drunk suburban mom. With handcuffs, of course.

Seeing Me Just How I Want Her To

I was drawing pictures for Avery this weekend. She said, "Draw daddy," so I drew daddy and said, "What should I draw daddy doing?" and she said, "riding his bike."

Then she said, "Draw mommy," so I was drawing myself and said, "What should I draw mommy doing?" and she said, "laughing."

Homage To Marcel Marceau

She's Totally Getting That Pony

This morning, Avery to Canetto:

"Hi, Handsome Daddy"

Ira

Avery and I are going to Virginia Beach this weekend. Canetto leaves tonight for Charlotte, and we had no plans for the weekend. Until Monday -- when Ira e-mailed and said that he was having a surprise party for his wife on Saturday and could we come? So, I'm going -- and letting my mom babysit my kid while I go to the party.

I have known Ira since the second grade (back in the Pembroke Meadows Elementary School days), although we didn't really become friends until high school. And we stayed pretty close through college (me at JMU...him at Tech). I remember one weekend when he and some of his fraternity brothers came to JMU to visit -- the RA for my dorm knocked on my door and said, "there are some guys urinating off the roof of the study lounge...do you know them?" and I almost knocked her over running down the hall screaming, "Ira's here!"

Another weekend, he and his frat brothers came with me to a party at my then-boyfriend's house off-campus. A bunch of people in a neighboring house who were part of the Catholic Campus Ministry were apparently upset by the amount of beer we were drinking and said to us, "we don't need beer to have fun...we're Christians" to which Ira replied, "We don't need God to have fun...we're alcoholics."

I shared a mailbox at JMU with another student (that I didn't know), so Ira made a point of sending letters that had things like "YOUR CONFIDENTIAL PREGNANCY TEST RESULTS ENCLOSED" and other hilarious messages scrawled on the envelopes. I have saved all of them.

We don't see each other often -- but are usually there for the big stuff -- weddings, anniversary parties, graduation parties and of course -- the famous (infamous?) Buffet Day party at Tech.

Good Times.

Free Is Good Redux

Positive reinforcement must work. I've been telling Canetto how excited I am about the Bald Head Island vacation in November and guess what? He now comes up with another work trip in December -- this time to Disneyworld.

Please understand -- having a child has made me a complete and utter hypocrite. I hate all things Disney, and the gross racist, misogynistic, mass-marketing, homogenized "fun" they represent. (The only time I have ever been to Disneyworld was four years ago -- my friend, Meredith, had to re-schedule her Malibu wedding to Florida because both of her parents (who live in Orlando) got ill at the same time and could not travel. So, we stayed at Disney and spent a day at Epcot Center. I think the reason for my feelings about Disney are best summed up by revealing the name of the restaurant in our hotel -- Tubby's Buffeteria. Or as one of Meredith's comedian friends liked to call it, "fatty fat's fatty fat". )

Now, as the mom of an almost-two-year-old, I can only think about how freaking excited she would be to take a trip there.

So, in mid-December, we're packing up and heading South for a few days.

I knew that being a parent would mean making sacrifices and would fundamentally change who I am.

Sweet Jesus, Regina

The dog's got my mother's teeth.

My Personal Trainer Is TOUGH

My kid is on a jumping jacks kick -- loves to see me do jumping jacks. (Well, so does her father...but she prefers I do them clothed. Snarf!)

Last night, I did 10 jumping jacks for her amusement. She loved it -- and requested 10 more. So, I did those. Then, I picked up my beer that I had placed on the mantle and took a sip. And little miss Bossy Pants said, "Mommy! Put the beer down and do some more jumping jacks!"

Who Needs Enemies?

I was complaining to my friend about someone who is giving me a hard time.

As someone who has always had my back he said,
"Do you want me to fix this person's brakes?"

I said, "No. I prefer the psychological cruelty approach...it's more subtle."

It is at the same time comforting and terrifying to know that:
a) he probably knows how to do this, and
b) he probably was not kidding.

Ten Things I Could Not Say With A Straight Face

1) quit harshing my mellow
2) drop it like it's hot
3) that's pimp
4) do me a solid
5) my bad
6) scootin' on the doobage scooter
7) oh no you di-int
8) cool beans
9) this is my lover
10) no, thanks, one beer is my limit

Halloween...It's Not Just For The 31st Anymore

How we celebrate:

October 20th -- Neighborhood Halloween parade and party
(they get a keg -- it rocks)
October 24th -- Vienna Halloween parade
(Avery can be in it this year -- that rocks)
October 26th -- Boo at the Zoo at the National Zoo
(with the Bermans -- they rock)
October 27th -- Halloween party at Krennie's tennis club in
Virginia Beach (I'll have a drink on the rocks)
October 31st -- Trick or Treating

Avery is going as a mime this year.

Catatonic Orphan

A great name for a band
-- OR --
what my daughter looks like in every posed picture?

Free Is Good

Because Canetto is a big muckety-muck at his company, his boss (a HUGE muckety-muck) not only invites him to golf all the time (which Canetto claims is "work" - hah!), but has also just given us his house on Bald Head Island for a week in November. I love being near the water in the off-season -- I think growing up in a beach town made me appreciate the times without tourists the most.

I'm not too familiar with this area, though I know it has lots of nature preserves and you have to take a ferry to the island and can only get around via golf cart or bicycle once you're there. http://www.baldheadisland.com/

Also, the house is absolutely gorgeous. I see a lot of golf for Canetto; and a lot of biking, reading and drinking bloody marys for me. Avery -- well, I guess she's just on her own. (snarf!)

Again -- getting to live like we're rich without actually BEING rich. It really is all who you know.

(And, P.S., not that I'm keeping score -- but it's ABOUT TIME that Canetto ponied up with a free vacation for us, considering all of the free vacations that my jobs have provided us over the years: Chicago; New York City; Atlanta; Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; Hawaii; Myrtle Beach, SC; New Orleans; Jamaica; Young Island; Ireland; Austin and San Antonio, TX; and the Hyatt Resort in Chesapeake Beach, MD. And, as I recall, there was some pretty awesome golfing in Ireland and Coeur d'Alene. Damn. I'm the best wife, ever.)