Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Me and my new shoes are back from my first-ever BlogHer. (The shoes were my initial foray into the non-stiletto category, since I knew I'd be doing a lot of walking at the conference. I was so proud of myself for this bit of common sensery, that when I purchased them I sent my friend an e-mail saying, "I just bought sensible shoes. Does this make me a grown up?" And she wrote back, "No. It makes you a lesbian.")

Which makes perfect sense, actually, because I am in love with the awesome women I met there. (Although, not really in that way. Except for Padma Lakshmi, who is very likely describing my physical characteristics to a police sketch artist as I type this.)

It's not my fault she's uptight.

I'll be recapping my experience in a series of posts about meeting blogging idols, running a race through NYC at the crack of dawn, getting in touch with my feelings about lunch meat, hosting a rib party at the Brazil Nut lounge, discussing promotional strategies like the Metamucil-tini (patent pending), hunting down my granite counter top at the hotel lost and found, and sharing with you all of my networking tips because I'm excellent at it. And by "excellent" I mean "god awful."

Also? The New York Hilton completely came through. Our room had a view of the Empire State Building and Radio City Music Hall, we were greeted by champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries delivered to the room, and two different Hilton representatives checked in with us throughout the stay to make sure everything was going smoothly and that we were comfortable. It was wonderful. And has made living with me and my renewed set of expectations a real treat in the past two days.

One of the reps, Julie, even said that if there was anything we needed, to please let her know. Which, of course, led to a running joke in our room about us "calling Julie" about everything. Over the four days we were there, we picked up the phone and pretended to share the following needs with Julie:

"Julie, Amanda is hogging the remote"

"Julie, the sirens outside are loud. Make them stop."

"Julie, this CSI is a repeat."

"Julie, I want to hear your Arnold Schwarzenegger impression."

"Julie, tell me I'm pretty."

"Julie, I'm in New York. I suppose I should score some hookers and blow?"

"Julie, should I wear the strappy black sandals or the platforms?"

"Julie, can I borrow fifty bucks?"

Will recap (with photos) soon,


ShutUpandRun said...

Julie can you wipe my ass?

So glad the Hilton came through. I had a hit out on Paris, but I'll call it off.

Moooooog35 said...

-5 points for you for just faking those calls.

Dilettard07 said...

Julie, please ask Padma to drop the charges and come back to me.

Brutalism said...

SU&R - Well, she did say anything.
Thanks for having my back with Paris.

Moooooog - Really calling her would have made me feel like Tom Green. More than my one testicle already does.

Tard - Padma scared the bejesus out of me.

dori said...

Pics! Pics!

@Tard, if you had been the recipient of the same Death Stare I got from Padma, you would have gone so cold you'd never have been able to consummate your feelings with her. Ever.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Dish. How did you get the Hilton to bend to your will?!

And will you handle all my travel bookings from now on?

Brutalism said...

Dori - Patience, woman.

Lacochran - It was a two-pronged approach -- I enlisted the help of the BlogHer conference people (who were amazingly wonderful and responsive and who also had a lot of pull as their conference was bringing a ton of revenue to the Hilton and I also sent an eight page fax to the GM that included a detailed letter and e-mail printouts and confirmations. I'm guessing they probably thought I was some kind of mental patient and figured it was easier to just give me a room at the conference price.

Straight Guy said...

We were worried. Glad it worked out. Looking forward to the debrief and contact info for Julie.

Ed said...

It's not the shoes that make the lesbian, it's the other girl between them.

Nice idea on the faux calls. Chicken.

At least the Hilton bastards made good.

dilettante07 said...

Julie--I'm feeling lesbian-y.

Brutalism said...

Tante - You've made this awkward. Again.

Brutalism said...

StraightGuy - Julie can do anything! And she loves to be called constantly!

Ed - Hilton was great. Eventually. (And I can so be bought with treats. I'm not proud of this. Although, I'm not really un-proud, either.)

Sarah said...

SO glad that the Hilton came through! SO glad you had a fun time! Hope to see you there next year!

Brutalism said...

Sarah - In San Diego next year, baby! Hope to see you then.

Anonymous said...

I was at the International Congress of Spa & Esthetics in Vegas one summer. There was 6 of us sharing 2 rooms. I mentioned to a close friend that if I was a guy I'd be attracted to this certain someone in our group who was from Chicago. I just meant it as a compliment (seriously). It freaked the woman from Chicago out (my friend told her) and they have never invited me to go since. ;)

JenBC said...

Julie where's the lido deck too obvious? Happy to know we'll be getting more scoop and photos from your blogher extravaganza.

Brutalism said...

Ms. Givens - Maybe they'll run into Padma at the Uptight Convention this year?

JenBC - Not to obvious -- genius!