Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Can't Beat It

I always figured that the hardest part about being a parent would be setting a good moral example and providing structure and consistent guidance. But you know what? It's not. The hardest part is paying more per year for preschool than for my entire college education laughing when I am not supposed to.

It has always been this way -- even with other people's children.

Long before I had a child, I went to a birthday party for one of my friend's kids. My friend's enthusiasm about this party was evident -- even after his son came up and announced, "Dad, Kelsey frowed up in the balloon thing."

("Balloon thing" = "moon bounce.")  ("This kid" = "not that bright.")

My friend was also excited as he showed me the pinata he had bought for the party. One he was thrilled with because it was a "safe" pinata designed especially for small children. He actually walked me over to where the pinata was hung and explained in painstaking detail how that instead of clubbing this pinata with a stick, each child got to select and pull a string on the underside. When all of the little fingers pulled simultaneously, the bottom would drop out and it would be candy madness! -- free from errant whacks by sugar-crazed toddlers. He was so obviously delighted with this feat of engineering that he could not stop talking about it.

When it was time for the pinata, all of the kids gathered 'round, selected a string, and pulled the strings as designed. And as if it was choreographed, the force loosed the pinata from the beam on which it was secured and the pinata came crashing down on the head of a small child, knocked his glasses off onto the floor and promptly broke them.Which is when I promptly burst out laughing.

Adios, empathy,


Moooooog35 said...


I mean..um..

You're SO mean.

BigSis said...

I'm sure I've screwed up some "teachable moments" with my laughing. And, I'm sure I've taught my son that some things that won't work well at school (like farts are funny.) Oh well, we could do much worse...

dori said...

there's really nothing funnier than a good toddler prat fall.

ShutUpandRun said...

Seriously, what good is a pinata if you can't smack some guy in the balls with the stick while you're blindfolded? Doesn't anyone watch AFV? I love laughing at my kids. Not with them, AT them.

Sarah said...

I would have been right there with you cracking up, surprised everyone else wasn't. Come on, that shit's funny. (not only am I a parent, I'm also a teacher. Lucky lucky kids.)

Brutalism said...

Moooooog - My friend almost wet his pants he was laughing so hard. Though we did get a hairy eyeball from the kid's mom. Whatever. Maybe it's time for contacts.

BigSis - The other night, while trying to delay bed time, my daughter tooted, then stood up and took a bow while saying, "thank you, thank you" to an invisble audience of thousands. Then, she put her nightgown on upside down so that her legs were in the arm holes. I was laughing so hard she got to stay up an extra half hour until I calmed down. I hope she learned her lesson!

Dori - [Dated reference alert] they put Gerald Ford to shame.

SU&R - There's a reason we have them.

Isn't there?

Sarah - Glad to hear that a teacher/parent also finds this funny. So did my friend...and it was the kid of one of his friends...so he's got a much blacker heart that we do.

Miley said...

OMG!! That. Is. AWESOME!!
I mean... it's so not but...
I wish that had happened to a certain child I know!!

Wait... I mean... All kids are precious.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Ha! LMAO! People are so overprotective of kids these days. When I was a kid we were lucky if we got hit in the head with a pinata. We liked it! Made us strong.

Trooper Thorn said...

Reminds me of the crash of the Hindenburg. Oh the humanity!

Dilettard07 said...

I suspect that, Brutalism, your daughter has been watching South Park on the webbernets while you have not been paying attention (read: drinking). There is a great episode where Kenny comes to class picture day upside down in his parka so that his ass is in the hood instead of his face. I won't spoil the rest of the episode.

Brutalism said...

woman:confused - I think we all know some who are more precious than others.

lacochran's evil twin - Exactly! We took our pinata beatings in the way they were meant -- as character builders. And we didn't suffer any ill effects. any ill effects.

Trooper Thorn - See? At least it wasn't on fire. That would not have been funny.

Well...AS funny.

Tard - Kenny from SouthPark as Muse...seems about right.

dilettante07 said...

Ah yes, I am one of the biggest offenders in this area. Kids completely crack me up. And super serious parents are even funnier. And they hate Aunty 'Tante.

Brutalism said...

Aunty 'Tante is every kids favorite aunt. (Well, until they tell her to leave, anyway...)

Jon Baker said...

I always love a a story with a good ending.

The Absurdist said...

Notes to self:

- When the kiddlings get a pinata for a birthday party be sure to fasten pinata securely overhead.

- Don't be a candy-ass who gets a fake pinata.

- Have HD camcorder ready (ie: buy) for bat/ball-smackin' goodness.

- Wear a cup